When it comes to clothing, makeup, and toiletries, I’m a bargain-store girl. This includes undergarments. I scoff in the face of lacy, nonfunctional bras in favor of utilitarian, nude, basic ones. If I can’t wear it under a t shirt, it’s not going home with me.
Furthermore, as a proud owner of barely-B cups, I’d never thought to spend more than $20 on a bra since I don’t require much support. However, I started noticing my friends singing the praises of a certain bra from a specialty store.
At the suggestion of my friends, I ventured out to purchase one of these wonders in modern lingerie technology. When I saw the price, I 100% failed at hiding that I was slightly, but gracefully, taken aback. I bought one in nude, of course. Since I was dropping $60 on this thing, a bra price to which I was unaccustomed, I was going to maximize the functionality of this bad boy.
To be honest, I wasn’t impressed. It was pretty uncomfortable and always felt like I was strapping myself into the kind of Victorian contraption designed by men in a time before stretchy fabrics existed. I committed to wearing this financial investment, convinced it just needed breaking in.
I mean, after all, almost every woman I know owned one.
Fast-forward to some months later (a month ago).
I got dressed to meet my mom to go to an art gallery and grab lunch. I put on my bra under a new shirt and headed out. When I saw my mom, she pointed at my chest and said, “Did you spill something? You have a huge wet spot on your shirt.”
I looked down to see that I did, in fact, have a large wet circle over my right boob. I thought back through my morning. I didn’t remember drinking or spilling anything. My shirt hadn’t sat in anything wet while I got ready. I shrugged it off, assuming it was probably water and would dry by the time we reached our destination.
How horribly wrong I was.
By the time we arrived at the gallery, the right spot had gotten bigger and spawned a matching wet spot on the left side. And, it was clear that we were dealing with some sort of oily liquid that wasn’t drying. At this point, we’d driven quite a distance, so I couldn’t just go home and change. My shirt looked like a lactation jamboree, and I had no way of hiding it.
Oh, and I wasn’t just visiting an art gallery. We were going to see an exhibit in which I was showing a painting. And this is a gallery that I’d dreamed of showing in for a long time and was still a fairly new member. But at least I was also meeting the gallery owner for the first time to drop off a piece for an upcoming show, so that was just super.
While the gallery owner politely and deliberately avoided looking south of my eyes, I prepared myself to leave and unleash my wet-spot boob shirt upon the public. I had no choice but to walk through a busy metropolitan area with what appeared to be leaking boobs. When we continued on to my favorite restaurant, I sat and ate a salad as the spots grew gradually larger and darker, inviting awkward looks from the waiter.
When I finally got home, I Googled “wet spots from bra” and found one comment thread after another about accounts of this same thing happening to people who’d purchased the same bra. Apparently, between the foam padding layers in the bra cups, there’s a layer that includes a packet of oil that can burst, providing a super-fun surprise for the wearer.
Just for hahas, I posted a picture to my social media. Of the very small circle of my female followers, HALF OF THEM commented that this exact same thing happened to them. While grocery shopping. At work. While traveling.
So I wondered, if this happens so frequently, why isn’t it common knowledge? Like how you should never go to bed with makeup on or that antibiotics can make your birth control ineffective. Where was this warning while my friends were preaching about the comfort and support of this bra?
Furthermore, why hasn’t this bra been recalled? (To my knowledge, it hasn’t.) Or why doesn’t it come with a warning about how inside the cups reside oil bombs that could go off at any time? And ruin your shirt. And cause you to walk around with wet-spot boobs. While you’re in public.
When I contacted the brand’s customer service department to tell them about how my spectacular art day with mom was accompanied by the very unwelcome appearance of boob oil due to their bra, and to ask if I could at least exchange the damaged bra for a new one, I received no response.
I figured, at the very least, I could help out my fellow bra-bros (sorry) by spreading the word and warning about the potential embarrassment that may await you if you own one of these good-time garments and its inability to remain a “secret.”