You Are The Advice Columnist: What Do I Say To The Man Of My Dreams If He Doesn't Want Kids?

I come from a broken, alcoholic family, so a stable home and family life has always been a dream of mine.

Aug 6, 2014 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment


Recently divorced (a year ago, together for seven) and in my close-to-mid-30s. We had been trying for about eight months when he said he didn't want kids with me, or even to be married to me. I have had another relationship fall apart over this problem: men don't want kids (for various reasons), I do. 
Or did. 
My life has done a 180 after the divorce, and I've had a year to get over the momentum of making a family and get back on the dating scene. I've always wanted to make a home, and more importantly, to have children with someone who not only wants children, but specifically wants them with me (you know, a loving partnership!). I come from a broken, alcoholic family, so a stable home and family life has always been a dream of mine. 
I recently started dating a wonderful man who exceeds my experiences in the past (older, upfront, stable career, tender gentleman) who does not want kids but still wants to be with me. What if I've met the man of my dreams and he doesn't want kids? I've decided to drop the kid-goal for now to allow our relationship to develop without some looming long-term goal or ideal criteria to get to know each other. 
I also feel that if I always want kids and don't ever get them, that I need to be okay with that instead of facing a lot of potential pain and suffering. Some good friends think I'm fooling myself, that I'm settling or giving up on a goal that's important to me. In my mind, happiness is the ultimate goal. I feel like I'm making a mature decision, but can't find anything online or in books about this particular dilemma.  
Am I sacrificing my happiness or am I staying true to it?  Love or children?

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