YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: Looking For A Little More Kink

He said that he felt uncomfortable "hitting" me...
xoJane Advice Column
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He said that he felt uncomfortable "hitting" me...


My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. We have a great relationship and have plans to move in together within the next few months. I had been thinking about trying something new in the bedroom that I have always wanted to try, and a couple of weeks ago I brought it up. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to be spanked, either by him or by a paddle, hard. He tried using his hand once or twice, but later he said that he felt uncomfortable "hitting" me, nervous that he would be hurting me, and how could I possibly achieve any pleasure from this act. Needless to say, there hasn't been any spanking since. In an attempt to perhaps fulfill some of his desires or fantasies, I had been asking him if there was anything he had wanted to try. He reluctantly admitted that he would eventually like to try a threesome. I told him right off the bat that I would be uncomfortable with this, because a)I don't trust a third party and b)I have major body-image issues that I don't want sharing with someone I don't trust (see A). Right now, we are at a stalemate. Our sex life is great but I would really like to take it to the next level - especially now since we both know the other person is looking for something but the other isn't willing to go the extra mile. What should we do next?!

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