You Are The Advice Columnist: I'm Considering Kids For The First Time in My 30s

I love my vagina. If I have a child, will she ever be the same?
xoJane Advice Column
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I love my vagina. If I have a child, will she ever be the same?


I've never planned to have children -- I was a single gal working towards my doctorate and focused on my career through my 20s. Now I'm in in my early 30s, married to the most amazing man, financially stable and thinking about it. My husband would love kids but respects my choice not to have them. I'm concerned about the reasons holding me back (below) and wondering if they are legitimate or just normal things everyone concerns themselves with. Am I a selfish, crazy woman? I'd love to hear experiences and advice from you marvelous xoJane lovelies.1. Ruining my relationship with my husband. We connect in an amazing way and so many of our friends with children seem to have lost that. It's all about the kids. I feel as though we have enough love to not need anything else and I don't want that to ever be second tier. My husband has identified this as well. (I will note that I say this coming from a childhood where my mom raised us alone while my dad was out having affairs because the family thing wan't as fun as he imagined. Jerk.)2. Physically falling apart. I know that many women say that being a mom changed their body in ways that were so miraculous it's worth no longer being in tip-top shape. I go to Pilates 4-5 times a week. I stroll everywhere in 3" heels. I love my perky little boobs. I work hard to stay fit and healthy and don't see having a kid changing that. Will I go crazy? Will I be appalled by my post-baby body? I know these things are shallow, but they grate on me none the less. No one will give me honest answers on this one. It's all the seemingly delusional, "Who cares, I made a human." I just can't imagine feeling that way and everyone makes me feel stupid for even asking. Please don't be mean about this one. I'm sure some of you have thought about this, right?3. My vagina. I love my vagina. She's served me really well all these years. If I have a child, will she ever be the same? Will sex ever be the same? Will I still have nice, easy periods? Or will it all go to hell in a handbasket? This is another one that it's hard to find real answers on. Be honest ladies, I can take it.

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