YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: How Can I Help My Boyfriend Confront His Abuser?

I'm completely at a loss for how to move forward.

Oct 21, 2013 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

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I have a somewhat sensitive question, so maybe trigger warning. 
The short version of my question is, my long-time boyfriend was sexually assaulted and raped not once but *twice,* by a childhood friend of his. Both times they were severely intoxicated; the first could maybe have been a terrible misunderstanding, but after that he told her in no uncertain terms that what had happened was unacceptable and could never happen again. And, of course, it happened again the very next time they drank together. 
We've talked about it and although the designation of 'rape' makes him uncomfortable (being male, patriarchy, etc.) he agrees that that's what happens. However, he feels too weird to mention it directly to her or take any steps to resolve the situation. I am now *incredibly* uncomfortable around this other woman, and though it's hardly something I take lightly, I've asked him to dissolve the friendship or at least distance himself from her. But he's one of her only friends, and no matter how little attention he gives her, she just keeps clinging, sending too many texts, and gchats, and everything. And then he feels too guilty to shunt her off. 
I don't want to coopt his story, but as someone with a history of sexual abuse I'm physically sickened every time she comes around or her name comes up on his computer (which we share; I'm not creepin' through his shit). I'm completely at a loss for how to move forward. Help?

 

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