Hey everyone! Hope you're all doing well in Internetland, and also elsewhere. I have come to seek your sage advice about an issue that is, pimple-like, coming to an angry head in my life.
My boyfriend is a great guy, and we've been together for about a year and a half. We're both in our mid-20s, college graduates, living separately, and pretty independent but still very much in love. My dream has always been to pursue a Ph.D. program with a fellowship, and this year I've applied to 10 different programs, largely in the Midwest (where we are now), but some on the West and East Coasts. My boyfriend has been nothing but supportive. He wants me to chase my dreams, and has also been looking for an excuse to move to a different/larger city than the one we've grown up in because of more career opportunities for his field. Thus, we've decided that if it's reasonable and he can find a job there, he will move with me to the city where I'm accepted. That way we can split rent and living costs, which will be feasible since neither of us have car payments or loans, and both of us have saved up a good amount of money from our jobs in college.
Sounds pretty reasonable, right? It's becoming apparent that his mother is increasingly anxious about her son moving away. Though we've only met for dinner three times (we all have conflicting work schedules), at this most recent dinner she really put the screws to me, basically interrogating me relentlessly about my future plans and what I plan "to do with" her son. I felt like she was metaphorically polishing her shotgun as she asked pointed questions about my "intentions"—including things like where I was going to "drag" him, why I couldn't just attend the college in our city, why we couldn't move in with MY parents instead to save money (?!), and why I couldn't just work for her in her office and not go to graduate school at all(?!?!). I felt very, very uncomfortable, and her questions to me seemed totally out of line, especially considering the fact that none of my plans are solid and I might not even get in anywhere this year, meaning I'd be staying in town to work.
His mother, though normally kind to me, has absolutely zero friends, female or otherwise, and has gone through four separate divorces. Her insistence on him staying in town seems much more to do with her desire to keep him, her only confidant, as close to her as possible, and a lot less to do with money or jobs or whatever she claims it to be, since we're both smart about saving and working. Also, his last girlfriend was a bit of a leech (dropped out of community college for no reason, begged him to marry her and put a baby in her and to never move), so I can understand why she'd be concerned, but . . .I don't know. This all seems really inappropriate and too soon for me. Ever since the dinner, she's continually hounded him with questions, and even e-mailed me new job positions at the office I'm "supposed to" apply for. I just want it to stop, since he and I have no definite plans yet. Please, for the love of god and all that is holy, does anyone have any advice on how to (kindly) get this woman off my back?
What is going on here?
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