Oh, hi there. Greetings from 1953, where “girls” over the age of 30 are useless to civilization and older women in bathing suits deserve to drown in a pool.
Nope, sorry, you’re right. It’s 2012. And that was just a Hooters commercial I saw.
OK, let’s back up. The latest entry from your destination for mediocre Heart Attack Cuisine: A commercial that’s so flagrantly, unapologetically cruel and nasty, it’s shocking that it made it from conception to reality.
Here’s what I’m getting from this: Older women are gross and shouldn’t be allowed in public, in bathing suits. Older women are gross and undeserving of a lifeguard who will stay on duty and not actively sneer at their bodies. Lifeguards should definitely, instead of doing their jobs, go to Hooters and order A) A pitcher of beer, B) A dozen hot wings, C) A burger with french fries and sure, why not, D) A perfunctory salad smothered in globs of cheese.
When you survey the feast just waiting to rupture your colon, gesticulate wildly(!) to show how happy you are not only with the “food” but with the size of your waitresses’ knockers. They will nod in delighted approval. They have been waiting for you all day.
Cool, bro, good story.
Reprinted with permission from The Jane Dough.