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I was really hoping I wouldn't have to write another article about sexism and Hillary Clinton before 2015 closed its doors, but I was wrong. Friends, I can already tell that this really is going to be like 2008, when Sarah Palin was attacked by conservatives and liberals alike because people couldn't keep their sexism in their pants.
This week, it's Donald Trump (of course), with some truly bizarre and offensive comments about Hillary that further demonstrate his lack of fitness to be president, his huge problem with women, and his ridiculous attitude towards his opponents — oh, also, he's a garbage human being, in case you missed that.
Many may recall that on Saturday night during the Democratic debate, Clinton was briefly absent from the stage after a commercial break. Since she likely hadn't done a runner, fleeing in terror from her worthy opponents, the most likely explanation was that she'd ducked out to use the restroom and didn't have enough time to get back to the stage before the broadcast picked up again.
Humans go to the bathroom. Hard numbers on how much time the average person passes in the bathroom over their lifetime are hard to come by, but suffice it to say that you are going to spend a fair amount of your life peeing — days, at the very least, over the course of your life. Like, pee happens. It's not a big deal. It's not gross or weird.
UNLESS, of course, you are Donald Trump, in which case..."I know where she went — it's disgusting, I don't want to talk about it. No, it's too disgusting. Don't say it, it's disgusting." Trump is apparently 12, and therefore unable to cope with the fact that human beings need to take a whizz now and then, and that includes during presidential debates — to quote Jurassic Park, when you gotta go, you gotta go, and I'm pretty sure he really would have flipped his lid if she'd peed on stage. (Like Mellie Grant almost did during the Scandal midseason finale!)
While it's a perfectly normal bodily function, discussions about it are probably best kept to the doctor's office, the bathroom, and pleas to pull over during road trips. I mean, maybe not really a subject we need to bring up at the dinner table or political rall—oh wait.
Like, the bathroom break was apparently such a pressing news item that even the New York Times weighed in on Clinton's urination habits with an alarmingly in-depth story that went into the intimate details of bathroom timing. I realize it wasn't a scintillating debate and there weren't many fireworks, but seriously?
"Hillary Clinton had exactly one minute and 45 seconds to walk out of the gymnasium at St. Anselm College to the ladies’ restroom," the Times reports, "and one minute and 45 seconds to return to her place on stage." Evidently her campaign actually raised concerns about how far away the women's restroom was for precisely this reason, knowing full well that broadcast television waits for no bladder.
"[Huma Abedin] relayed to Mrs. Clinton that she would have to be speedy, said several aides involved in debate planning," which must have been a fun conversation between the candidate and her campaign's vice chairwoman. "We're gonna need you to read up on Daesh, and also, if you really can't hold it, be sure to make it fast."
Trump's comments, of course, didn't stop there, because why say one sexist thing when you can say two? In his remarks, he brought up the 2008 election, in which some critics believe that Clinton really managed to snag defeat from the jaws of victory. It's worth having a conversation about why that happened and the complicated factors going on there, and I can grudgingly admit that in a rally where you're trying to sell yourself to supporters, you might want to specifically talk about why your opponent is unsuitable, but what he said about how she failed was, frankly, bizarre.
"She was favored to win, and she got schlonged," Trump said, apparently unaware that most grownups say "dicked" or "f*cked" or even "screwed" when they refer to situations in which people get the short end of the stick. Of course, the decision to use crude terms for penises and intercourse for this purpose is something that also bears further inspection, especially when it comes from a notorious sexist attacking an infamous victim of sexism, but he could at least have chosen a word that wasn't completely bizarre.
Who even says "schlong" anymore? Was he trying to avoid the inevitable (and valid) accusations of sexism in the wake of his comments by trying to pull a fast one with a different word? Is this going to be like his backpedaling with Megyn Kelly when he referred to "blood coming out of her wherever" and tried to claim he said "ears"?
Hm, what verb could Trump present in his inevitable attempt to claim he didn't actually refer to his opponent with a "vulgar noun for a large penis," as the Post so delightfully put it? Shall we hold our breath and see? Perhaps he can come up with something even more sexist when he has a little more time to really think about and expand upon his remarks.
That we are reduced to crude comments about pee and penises this early in the campaign does not bode well. I'm fervently hoping that once the primaries really get going, Trump won't perform as well at the actual polls as well as he does in polling, and that he'll drop off the radar, though his threat to run as an independent could mean that his obnoxious presence will continue to loom large. (On the other hand, it could also split the conservative vote, handing the Democrats a win.)
Trump's opponents don't do enough to condemn his actions, speaking up only when he's done something particularly heinous (like his recent "ban all Muslims" suggestion). I realize that condemning Donald Trump could quickly eat up every minute of every day, but maybe there could be like a weekly digest roundup or something, perhaps with bullet points.
Image Credit: Andrew Burton / Staff