The Waitress Workout, Step One: Lose Dream Job That Basically Defined Who You Are As a Person

You can get results like these in just five dreadfully difficult years!

Aug 26, 2014 at 3:44pm | Leave a comment

I used to have undefined, mushy arms to go along with my perfectly contented lifestyle and savings in the bank. I also used to be a size 6. But look at me now!
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You can get results like these in just five dreadfully difficult years! How, you may ask? Just follow these simple steps to getting the most sculpted arms of your life!
 
Step 1. Lose dream job that basically defined who you are as a person.
 
Step 2. Sink into major depression when you can’t find work (repeat for three years, then relax a little).
 
Step 3. Lose appetite almost entirely thanks to money-related stress (this step can be paired with the Aggravation Diet* for faster results).
 
Step 4. Go through breakup with the love of your life; follow by dating badly. Repeat for two and just about a half years until you’ve fully given up.
 
Step 5. Work two different restaurant jobs: one of which requires repeated heavy lifting of things, both of which require standing all the time. Repeat until forever.
 
It’s as simple as that!
 
All you have to do is raise a tray while lowering your self-esteem, and you too can whittle yourself down to a size double zero! The Waitress Workout worked for me!
 
*Results may vary.
 
[Disclaimer: I’m actually a host, not a waitress, but I couldn’t resist the alliteration. Respect to all the servers, everywhere.]
 
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Originally published on Tara Dublin Rocks and reprinted with permission from the author.