Confession Time: I Store Stuff in My Bra

And I refuse to be ashamed!

Jun 23, 2011 at 3:02pm | Leave a comment

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I’m not sure why I think this ought to be shameful. The visual of a woman pulling sweaty dollar bills from her bra has some overtly negative class associations, culturally-speaking, so that’s probably part of it.

Also, boobs are ALWAYS SEXUAL, dontcha know, so if you keep stuff next to your boobs then you must be extra trampy. And your ID, slightly dampened with boob sweat? Tainted with the stain of slut-tastic boobery! It’s pretty ridiculous that we’re inclined to think of breasts as inherently dirtier than other body parts, like our hands, which actually come into contact with filth far more often than our tits do.

But if boobs are sexual and sex is dirty then boobs must be dirty dirty sources of grossness. And so bra-storage? Is shameful. All this cultural conditioning notwithstanding, I’ve known more women who did this than not in my life, which might say more about my taste in friends than the commonness of the practice, but still.

The thing is, ladyclothes don’t always have pockets. It’s pretty rare that they do. Pockets add bulk, y’see, with all their annoying extra fabric, and the risk is that they’ll make one’s hips look marginally wider. Or lumpier, or whatever.

Being naturally lumpy myself, pocket-based lumping is not a problem with which I can claim any familiarity. But I have known a surprising number of women who have their pants professionally altered to have the pockets removed and sewn up for this reason.

I like pockets. They’re useful! But as someone who does not wear pants, or even separates, or anything that isn’t a dress, on any given day you will usually find me pocketless. Certainly, that’s what a cute bag is for, but sometimes I don’t want to go digging through my giant purse (and all of my purses are positively cavernous affairs) for my phone every five minutes while I’m trying to respond to texts or find a restaurant or work out subway directions in an unfamiliar city.

Sometimes I want my phone or my cash or my ID or my metrocard to be right under my nose. Um, literally. So it goes into my bra. I’m not a between-the-boobs lady -- my assets are too wee for that. I’m a side-tucker. I wear a unicorn-like 44B bra (yeah, try finding that in your local Victoria’s Secret -- actually don’t, because the sales ladies will probably be sneering and mean when they tell you their store does not cater to your allegedly freakish proportions, and you’ll have to spend the rest of the day reminding yourself that the Victoria’s Secret salesladies are jerks who do not define you or your self-worth).

In fact, I don’t even fully occupy the B cup all the way. So there’s usually a bit of comfortable space, certainly enough to hold an ID and a debit card, or the key to a hotel room. Or a lip balm. Or an iPod (with headphones).

You’d think with all this upstairs storage going on I’d be adept at surreptitiously removing things from my boobular hiding place, but no. I’m pretty overt about it. Nothing impresses (or horrifies) a strange dude on public transit like pulling an Otterbox-encased iPhone from your bra. It’s like they expect you to pull a rabbit out next.

So when the Twitters recently informed me of the existence of The Racktrap, I was really annoyed that I didn’t think of this first. The Racktrap is basically a pocket for your bra. It’s brilliant, in the way that the most obvious ideas ever can be brilliant.

It comes in lace, and a “sweatproof” sports model, and a “special edition” gold version. I am not sure what kind of occasion calls for a special gold bra-pocket, but it exists for you if you have one!

Do remember: your boobs aren’t dirty, and if someone is willing to take money from your filthy disgusting hand, then they shouldn’t shy away if it originally came out of your bra. I can’t see spending eight bucks to feel better about keeping stuff in my bra, but if even I feel compelled to fight boob-storage shame, I’m sure there’s a market out there for women who appreciate a product that makes this practice a little more socially acceptable. Besides, I don’t think my iPhone would fit in any of the existing models anyway.

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