Last month after finding out that I had lost the competition for one of my dream jobs, I watched 87 episodes of "Grey’s Anatomy" back to back to back.
Video Caption: That is a very small clip of my final audition to host Check Please! WTTW. Even though I lost, I KILLED that audition, son. And my fro looked DY-NO-MITE! LOL
Losing that job was the straw that broke this sista's back. All my eggs were in that basket. I had no plan B. Fighting my way from a 1,000 contenders to the final five was an enourmously, shiny, OM-FREAKING-G glimmer of hope
in the midst of a seemingly endless hodge podge of personal madness and sadness. So when one phone call dimmed my only light into a sea of darkness, I began a pretty gnarly freefall into the pain.
My daily life plan was to watch "Grey’s Anatomy" and take care of the kids. I fed, washed, bathed, soothed, shuttled, played, kissed, shushed, hugged, loved, and did everything that was needed to care for my children.
But I gave up on everything else. I didn’t eat. I didn’t vlog. I didn’t blog. I didn’t write. I didn’t create. I didn’t connect. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t love. I didn’t shine. I didn’t happy.
I didn’t ME.
But in the words of the greatest philosopher of our time…. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
So, I’m getting over myself, healing from the crushing disappointments of late and I’m forcing myself to live. I’ve got to put up my dukes and FIGHT for the life I know I’m destined to live. And I may be taking baby steps but inch by inch I’m dragging myself back into the light and this time I’ve got a four-point plan to make it happen.
1. Pray... Everyday.
Let’s just get this one out of the way right now, I like totally love God. That’s my homie. And before I get a bunch of, Ermahgerd, how can you be religious when you know that there are all these religious nutcases trying to electrocute gay people and using religion to kill, maim, rape, and do otherwise dastardly shit to men, women, dogs, and amphibians everywhere, I don’t support any of that bullpucky.
I support love. And in my definition, God is love. So, I don’t have religion. What I have is a supreme love and faith in a higher being that is completely 1000% made of love. My god doesn’t lead me to judge or harm those whose beliefs do not align with mine. My god gives me peace. My god blesses me with grace. My god heals my hurt and broken places. And my god guides me to be the best version of myself and helps me to shine that version of myself to the world everyday.
So I’ve made it a personal goal for myself to have the first thing I do is get up every morning, crouch my pleasingly plump frame, down on these wrinkly knees o’ mine and Give the Notorious G.O.D. a little quality time.
2. Make my bed everymotherfucking day.
Has there been a useless study done on this one already? Cause I could save all you motherfuckers a shitastic load of cash by telling you without one good doubt: Getting your ass up and making your bed EVERYday will make your ass one fucking productive son of a beast. I mean maybe this is more effective for me cause I work at home and my Roku is in my bedroom but darling, make your bed. It takes 2.3 minutes to do it and a well made bed makes your bedroom look surprisingly clean despite the massive piles of crap all around it.
Also, there is something so lovely about crawling into a clean, nicely made up bed after my typically very exhausting day of exuding my sky high personal levels of supercalifraglisticsexyhelladopness.
Supercalifragilisticsexyhelladopeness definition: See SistaTV
Side note for this one is get new yummy sheets. I know, I know you are broke. Blah, blah, fucking blah. But if you have to save your pennies and forego a latte, a few craft beers, and paying to get to the next Candy Crush level I am certain you will be able to afford some pretty fly sheets, my dear.
3. Take vitamins.
I’m 33. I remember being 12 and thinking how it was going to take FORRRREVVVAAHHH for me to be 26. And I don’t know how it happened but that damn forever ran up on my ass and then the bish was GONE in a blink of one saggy ass eyelid.
Although, I’ve TOTALLY got the whole fine wine thing going on and of course have the scien-FUCKING-tifically proven fact that BLACK DON’T CRACK
. AT ALL
This is my beloved MAMATV! She is shockingly close to 70 years old and she looks like this. In real life. Everyday. HA! #SHEWON Get into her “psychedelic bell bottoms”. YASS GAWD!
But all my other shit is getting old. Still fierce. But old. Still Fabulous. But old. I had a grey hair on my vajayjay, ya’ll. My knees sometimes make crackly noises when I get up, and I am forgetful as sin. As I age, I’ve become increasingly concerned that my children will soon only answer to, “‘ Uhh, Whatsyerface, Get you and your brothers Whatshisname and Theotheronewholooksjustlikehim in here for dinner! NOW!”
Seriously though, all of the old chicks I know RULE so I’m totally looking forward to getting older but what I do want to remember is how awesome I looked, felt, and WAS in my forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties,and beyond. Yes, I want to live to well beyond my hundreds because a bitch as awesome as me SHOULD BE HERE FOREVER.
So one of these days I’m totes going to become that all veggie everyTHANG, juicing, exercising, yogaing totally awesome about my health type chick I saw at the gym that one time I had to go pee there.
But at this current moment... NOPE.
Tragically, delicious snacks and the Internet are my favorite and my best as of late so you will have to pry this Luther Burger
away from my freshly manicured hands.
In the meantime, in between time, I’m going to do the two most lazy girls guide to health things I can handle at my current threat level ORANGE, “emotionally-eating-while-g-chatting-with-my-friends-in-the-computer-is-the-only-thing-keeping-me-from-slapping-bitches-AT-WILL-ALL-DAY-ERRY-DAY” moment in my life. I’m going to carry water with me everywhere and I’m going to take shit ton of awesome whole food based fancy shmancy vitamins every single day.
Currently, my Solaray Spectro multivitamin is my baby daddy
. Seriously, I just started taking that mess and a mere two weeks later, I swear fo’ gawd a bish is glowing with energy, clarity, the aforementioned obscene amounts of supercalifragilisticsexyhellaDOPENESS. But I think I’ll need more D and B vitamins to fully pull me out of the funk so I’m open to suggestions, darlings. What vitamins you fly chicks here at xoJane take?
4. I’m going to work my dream like its my job.
At the end of every post I write for xoJane, I have this little blurb that says,
Senam SistaTV Amegashie spends most of her time waiting for someone to give her a freaking TV show, already!
That’s the dream, people. Even though I lost a chance to host that other show, I want my OWN show. And you guys, I would have the most awesome of all the awesome TV shows EVER. In Everdom. But err ummm... What am I doing to make that happen now? Why am I spending all this time WAITING for someone to make it happen for me? Have I pitched anybody my show ideas? Have I learned how to expertly produce the show myself? Have I been actively preparing myself for the moment when I actually do get my own TV show?
Will Smith says
, “You have to STAY ready so you don’t have to GET ready.” And that motherfucker is a FRESH PRINCE... He is clearly correct.
I need to work at this goal like its my job. Like a 9 to 5, a 7 to 3, or a 11-7, I need to dedicate myself to getting this done like my livelihood depends on it. Because UH DUH, it does.
So for five days out of every week, I will do, learn, produce, plan, and/or execute something solely focused on the ultimate goal of making SistaTV happen. I am talented enough to get it done, so now it is time to become skilled enough to do it.
I’m tired of wanting this for myself. I’m ready to go out and DO this for myself. So I’m setting some clear goals of things to accomplish every week and I’m going to fucking force myself to do them until they are DONE. Just like I would have to force myself to get up and work my ass off as a waitress, hawking crap as a telemarketer, or any of the other host of shitty, soul-killing, “This can’t be life” ass jobs I’ve done flawlessly for a pittance because it was my job. Well now, my dream job is me... And this time I’m totally going to win.
So that’s my four things, you guys. Anybody going to do any of my four things with me? Or even better, what are the four things that you can do personally to improve your lives? Stop fucking that asswipe who is treating you horribly? Stop taking crap from a family member or friend just because they are family? Tell your boss to eat a dick up cause she is making your life hell? Oh, wait did I just start on my 5th, 6th, and 7th thing to do list?