Even as a depressive layabout sorta lady, I can't help but love this time of year. So it gets dark at 4 pm? Feh, that just gives me a better excuse not to leave the cozy safe confines of my house! Am I right or am I right? Lifetime movie marathon action ALL DAY and ALL NITE!!! YEAH!
Plus, there's just something about the air in December -- even though the skies are grey and the leaves are dead, the air feels heavy with a weird, full sense of mystery and depth. Or something. I can't explain it, but I like it; it makes me feel safe. Or ... maybe I just like it for the same sweet, dull reason so many of us do: because it brings me back to that unique, over-the-top thrill of being permitted, for one perfect day, to be as giddy-greedy-selfish-indulgent as I wanted to be (Christmas morning, you were my everything).Whatever the reason, I love the twinkling lights. The shopping frenzy (sorry, I know it's messed up, but I appreciate any possible excuse to hang out in a mall). The hustlin and bustlin. The special-edition flavored crap at Starbucks. The countrywide cultural fixation on hot cocoa and fireplaces. The excuse to hide away in a snowy mountain lodge wearing faux fur and long underwear.But the holidays can also be, well, sad. They naturally bring up memories of better, younger, more innocent days. They can also trigger weird obsessive "should be" fantasies and expectations -- lots of compare-and-despair "GAHHHH THIS IS HOW CHRISTMAS/HANNUKAH/FESTIVUS IS SUPPOSED TO BE/LOOK/FEEL AND IT'S NOT HOW IT FEELS FOR ME AND SOMETHING'S DRAMATICALLY WRONG WITH MY LIFE AND HELP AND AHHHHHH AND EFF YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS IT SOOOOO MUUUUCHHHHH BETTTTTEEEERRRRR."
As an only child with one remaining parent, Christmas feels weirdly ... small to me now. My mom and I don't have any distinct holiday traditions like we did when I was younger, when my dad was around. Plus, I live alone, and I'm usually too lazy to indulge in or invent my OWN traditions, even boring ones like trimming a tree or putting up lights (I did those things a couple years back, though -- even had a holiday party! -- and I can't lie, I fucking loved it).
Anyway, enough about me. I'll keep this concise because I have tons of packing to do (I'm moving in 10 days, holy hell!) but mainly because I want to hear how YOU feel about the holidaze. What are -- or were -- you and your family's traditions? What gets you in the festive-y kind of spirit? Please, do tell.