Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
When I was in theater grad school, my thesis production got picked up by a major local theater and I felt like hot shit.
We got to premiere the show — a children's play about (what else?) Japanese and Chinese ghost stories — on the theater's mainstage, and through their support also got to tour the Los Angeles Unified School District. I was up to my eyeballs in puppets and ghost stories and elementary school gymnatoriums and it was bliss.
My bliss was interrupted at a Chili's restaurant where I'm now convinced bliss goes to die. Or at least take a break.
It was after our final matinee at the theater. My family had come to town, and along with the cast, we decided to go to lunch. We chose Chili's because it was nearby, could accommodate our huge party, and their patio would allow my boss to bring her bird. (I could explain, but I'm not going to.)
Once we were settled in at our table, I ran to use the bathroom. So you have a mental image, I was wearing a "swooshy" black, knee-length, jersey dress with black tights...and blue underpants.
On the way back from the bathroom, a family with two small kids recognized me from the theater (I had short fire engine-red hair at the time, so kids often remembered me). They gushed about the show, I thanked them, and tried my best to be charming.
After making one last HILARIOUS quip, I thanked the family again, turned, and swaggered back to my table.
I thought I was killing it until...
"Nice blue underpants, Louise," one of the actors teased.
Yep. The entire time I'd been talking to the family, part of my dress had been tucked into my underpants, exposing a significant portion of my left butt-cheek. When I'd turned and strutted back to the table, I'd given the family an entirely different kind of show.
And THAT my friends, is how you end a children's theater tour.
What is your "I thought I was killing it until..." story?
Tell us that exquisite embarrassing moment that starts with you feeling ON TOP OF THE GODDAMN WORLD and ends with a donkey kick to your ego's boob.
We've all been there. We were all once awesome.