Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
There are moments in life when one truly feels like they have made it. All of your hard work has paid off and this song starts playing in your head. I had one of these moments recently.
Several months ago, when I started shoving food in my mouth and writing about it, I tweeted at the good people at Oreo: "Hey Oreo! Send me free stuff! I'll make you famous!"
They did not respond.
So I was surprised to receive an unsolicited email from the Oreo people asking if I would like to be one of the first people to try new Oreo flavors. I meant to play it cool and be all “Yeah, I mean I guess. My eating schedule is really busy right now, what with all the eating I do, but I can probably squeeze a few Oreos in between bone marrow sliders and truffled kiwi eggs.” Instead, I was like “Oh my god yes please give them to me thank you so much for thinking of me I have so many people to thank.”
The rep replied with "Haha love the honesty!!” and asked me for my mailing address.
They arrived January 23rd, 2014 and they could not have come on a better day. I will spare you the details, but I was quite hormonal. Earlier that morning, while listening to Evangeline as sung by Emmylou Harris and The Band, I had started crying because I remembered that Rick Danko and Levon Helm were dead.
So when I received another lovely email around lunch from the lovely Oreo lady telling me that my brand new Oreos were at my house, it was exactly what I needed to read. But I was still at work, surrounded by hexane, and the next four hours seemed like an eternity.
It didn’t help that my husband kept threatening to eat the very cookies that would make all my sufferings and worries melt away.
LUCKILY, that bastard did not eat my hard-earned, free Oreos.
So what are the new Oreo flavors? I was worried they were going to be chocolate raspberry or something (for V-Day), but no. I could not have dreamed of better flavor endeavors. These are COOKIE DOUGH and MARSHMALLOW CRISPY flavored Oreos. The flavor chemists at Nabisco are ambitious GENIUSES.
So let’s get down to it, how are these little sandwich cookies?
We'll start with Cookie Dough because, let’s be real, you guys care about that one the most.
Is this cookie magically delicious? Yes.
Does it pair well with whiskey? Yes.
Does it taste like cookie dough? No.
They have a coffee flavor to them, which I love, but they taste more like a java chip Frappuccino than cookie dough. To truly invoke raw cookie dough, they would need a more buttery, salty flavor. Salty? YES salty. Cookie dough always has that hint of salt that makes it impossible to stop devouring. I’m just not getting that from these.
But let’s be clear: I love them. Really nice chocolaty coffee flavor. I love the little chocolate chips. They’re so beautiful and cute. I’m a little disappointed they aren't truer to their name, but this is a delicious cookie.
Let’s talk Marshmallow Crispy Oreos
So FIRST OF ALL these are Rice Krispy Treat flavored. I understand that they probably couldn’t call them that because food giants don’t play well with each other, but we’re all going to call them that anyway, as we are not bound by such pedantic-ness.
Are these delicious? Yes.
Do they pair well with whiskey? Yes. This is not unexpected if you know about the amazingness that is maple whiskey marshmallows.
Do they taste as their name dictates they should? YES.
These taste like Rice Krispy Treats (the packaged kind that comes in the blue, shiny wrapper). They even have little Rice Krispies in them. They have a slight synthetic edge to them, but this is expected. The only drawback is that I’m not a huge fan of the Golden variety of Oreo cookie, but they work well with the flavor profile.
Another fun thing I did was pull apart one of each flavor to create an Oreo hybrid the likes of which the civilized world has never seen. I'LL TAKE MY FIRST MICHELIN STAR THANKS.
So where can you get these new and exciting Oreos? Would you like to get them for free? Are you going to watch The Grammys? According to my Oreo contacts, there will be a special Oreo commercial sometime during the Grammy broadcast which will reveal a SECRET HASHTAG that you can tweet to win one of these delicious new flavors. So CONSTANT VIGILANCE is the name of the game.
If you don't want to deal with all of that noise, they will be available to buy for a limited time beginning February 3rd.
So yes, I would recommend these Oreos. They are delicious. They are limited edition. They really helped me unwind at the end of a rough day.