Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
How about that time I got unsolicited sugar shame on Twitter?
July was a stressful month for me. I spent the month working two jobs seven days a week, with one of those jobs requiring a 45 minute commute. On the days where I wasn't on the clock, I had extra work to do, but also had to remember to do basic things like laundry and cook. On top of that July was incredibly hot and humid which only made things more stressful because I am a sensitive little squirrel and the heat makes me cranky. Things I would not recommend: making granola on a 90 degree day. It was a necessity, but it was pretty unbearable. However, you know what makes me feel cool as a cucumber and much less stressed? Iced tea. I love iced tea.
In spite of my July stress, I was really looking forward to the Fourth of July because it was a full day off and I relaxed to the best of my abilities. I gave myself a sweet mani/pedi, played some Legend of Zelda, and drank nearly a pitcher of iced tea because it's so delicious.
In spite of that pitcher of iced tea, I spent the rest of the day either feeling sleepy, or sleeping. So I wrote a tweet about it, as one does.
I think it was a fairly straightforward tweet, and I even used the word literally correctly, as the iced tea was almost gone! The tweet was less of a question and more of an observation and expression of mild angst. While most of me is always tired and loves spending the day in bed, there is also a really small Puritanical New Englander side of me that can't help but feel it's a waste of a day off.
Regardless I didn't expect or care about getting a response at all. Sometimes I like to shout into the void. And yet, I got a response from a complete stranger representing a online tea store, I don't follow them and they don't follow me.
Quelle horreur! Someone on the internet is making me feel bad about myself! This isn't the first time that this has happened to me on Twitter. A couple of years ago I was tweeting my workout stats as a means of keeping track of them, and I would hashtag these tweets with “#workout”. This proved fruitless because Twitter inconsistently saves tweets.
And one day a random dudebro (that I didn't follow and didn't follow me) decided to reply to my tweeted workout stats by saying “You could probably do better if you laid off the cupcakes.” This is rude as hell and completely misinformed. Just because my name has the word cupcake in it, doesn't mean I'm eating all the cupcakes. And if I were eating all the cupcakes, it's no one's business but my own, least of all the business of unknown jerks on Twitter.
Now the argument could be made that this tea retailer was just trying to be helpful or just trying to drum up business. And yet the tone of this tweet, especially the “probably more sugar to tea” line is similar to the tone of “I'm just being honest” a phrase which, frankly, needs die in a fire. Honesty is not always the best policy, especially when it's justifying being rude. My response was like my personality, which is to say sparkling, classy and refined.
But the winning response goes to my hilarious friend Georgia:
Let's take a few moments to come up with some totally acceptable responses in 140 characters or less:
“Do you use sugar? Sometimes it can make people sleepy.”
“Sugar can cause drowsiness, maybe that's the issue?”
“Sugar can cancel out the energizing effects of tea, maybe that's the problem?”
Now I'm no fancy, big city PR person but that was pretty easy if I do say so myself. Also these could have started a conversation without judgment which I would imagine is useful for an online retailer. You could then segue way into a discussion about what kind of tea helps with giving you more energy, makes delicious iced tea, or tastes great with or without sugar.
The conversation continued between Georgia and the retailer, which involved a fair amount of backpedalling on their part. I was happy to watch from the sidelines. It's not that I can't defend myself, but I was still pretty tired and Georgia is fantastic (p.s. Thanks Georgia, you are great!). The retailer deleted the initial, offending tweet (tweets come and go, but screenshots are forever, darling), and spent way too many characters trying to explain their motivation.
Honestly I don't care how people like their tea. I prefer my iced tea unsweetened, but I love a cup or two of hot, black tea with milk and honey on a chilly winter morning. There's so many kinds of teas and so many ways to prepare them and they are all great. The only thing I can't abide is people who don't like tea at all. It is not just hot leaf juice, it is a universally loved beverage that brings people together so you better like it! Just kidding folks, I don't even mind if you don't like tea.
Oh and about that iced tea recipe? It couldn't be simpler. Fill your favorite pitcher (mine holds just over two quarts) with cold water. Add two mint tea bags and three green tea bags. I like to use a mint mix which has a less flat taste than straight peppermint and jasmine tea as the floral notes compliment mint really well.
Put the pitcher in your fridge overnight and let the tea steep at least 8-12 hours or longer for maximum delicious. Add sweetener, or don't, it's delicious either way and definitely pour over ice and enjoy. Please be sure to sip your drink as loudly as possible and side-eye anyone who throws shade your way.