I Get Presents For Being Single And You Should Too

Culturally, the life of a single woman just isn’t celebrated until that life becomes dedicated to another person. So I've taken matters into my own hands.

Jul 17, 2012 at 6:00pm | Leave a comment

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I’ve been invited to three baby showers this month alone.  And while I don’t particularly enjoy them, I’ll be there all the same because that’s what friends (and extremely casual acquaintances) do.  

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to celebrate my loved ones’ lives. There are just other things I’d like to be doing on a Saturday afternoon. Like submerging myself into a pot of boiling oil for example. That’d be fun.

But at every shower, as I awkwardly pretend to have a good time, I always end up thinking about how, as a single woman with no children, I don’t get a party for my accomplishments. There are no presents, no finger foods, no awkward party games. I’ve been there, gift in hand, at all of my friends’ marriage and baby celebrations. Yet, there is so single girl equivalent to the Babies R Us registry so that my generosity can be reciprocated. 

So if I never have kids or get married, I’ll never get to pillage a department store, armed with an electronic scanner and an unearned sense of entitlement? So not fair.

(You might remember this same dilemma from an episode of "Sex and the City.")

Even as a teenager, I knew this was messed up. Culturally, the life of a single woman just isn’t celebrated until, through marriage or childbirth, that life becomes dedicated to another person. So I’ve taken matters into my own hands.  

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My few friends that remain unwed and childless have joined forces to create a secret society called “The Yacht Club.” We call ourselves “The Yacht Club” mostly because our leader names everything she cares about after a rap song. But the premise of the club is simple: All the members gather up all of our disposable income to celebrate each other’s non-domestic achievements. 

In our ranks we have a financial adviser, a working actress, and a celebrity hairstylist. We haven’t gotten married or had babies, but we’ve all reached certain professional and personal milestones that warrant a little commemoration.  Just amongst the four of us we’ve amassed five degrees, two businesses, a stint on daytime television, and one kick-ass captain’s hat, all of which are worthy of a some celebrating.  

So when one of us scores a new gig, or a promotion, or reaps any other consequence of their hard work, we make it a point to acknowledge it. 

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A few of our members. That's our leader in the white shirt. See the hat? She means business.

We give single gal friendly gifts like trendy costume jewelry. We sing and blow out candles over outrageously priced designer cupcakes. Or we make reservations at fancy restaurants we can’t really afford to eat at and only order soup.  And since we’d look a little silly having a name like “The Yacht Club” without going on actual yacht rides, occasionally there are some of those too. 

Just last month, we took a trip out to Los Angeles and set sail on a yacht equipped with Subway sandwiches, pink champagne and loads of medicinal marijuana. Now normally our activities aren’t quite that extravagant. That particular one was in honor our eldest member’s first 29th birthday.

But every woman aboard that afternoon was tremendously ambitious and had already enjoyed a respectable amount of success.  So not only was it a birthday party, but it was also a celebration of all the work we put in to get to where we are and all the work we will put in to get to where we’re going; effort that might have gone unrecognized if it weren’t for our toast on the boat that day.

It's just our way of saying to say to one another, “I appreciate all your fabulous single girl achievements, even if no one else does.”  

Do you guys have some version of your own "Yacht Club"? I'm crossing my fingers that there's an all-girl "Player's Club" out there somewhere.