Goldie Starling's Hot Wax Makeup Tutorial, AKA The Grossest Thing You'll See Today

Keep your barf bags at the ready, because this Halloween makeup artist is NOT foolin' around.

Oct 26, 2011 at 5:00pm | Leave a comment

A friend recently asked me to run the bake sale table at a Halloween-themed fundraiser at her kid's school this weekend. I quickly agreed, since I happen to enjoy baking -- and if my baking helps raise some money for field trips and after-school programs, that's an awesome bonus.

Selfishly, I also wanted to do it because they turned the basement of the school into a haunted house and there is NO WAY I'm missing that, even if I did pee my pants at the last one I went to (not at all joking).

Anyway, I'm supposed to dress in costume while I'm slinging treats, so I started browsing around on YouTube for a little inspiration.

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Turns out I don't need a haunted house to piss myself...all I need is Goldie Starling's YouTube channel, specifically her "Hot Wax" tutorial. Please put on your Depends and hold your loved ones close before clicking "play" on this sucker:

YIKES. While this look is undeniably amazing, and easier to create than you'd think it would be, something tells me that a bunch of elementary school kids might not be thrilled if I showed up sporting a drippy, shiny, melting face and milky eyeballs. So, I should maybe save this one for a rainy day.

"Hot Wax" is just the tip of the iceberg from the frighteningly talented Goldie Starling -- her special effects makeup is seriously top notch. She's created evil doll faces, Edward Scissorhands, Rotted-Faced Pam from "True Blood", and posessed Regan from "The Exorcist." AAAAHHHH!!

While we're talking YouTube, I have to give an honorable mention to the filthy and disgusting (yet hilarious) "Human Centipede" tutorial by Glowpinkstah. I'll admit it, I laughed my head off when she describes applying the fake bandages as, "...like a scarf, almost, except it's not winter and you're not going out, because you're stuck ass-to-mouth."

Yeah, I'm starting to think I'll just throw on my eyeball leggings and a witch hat and call it a day. Can I interest you in a lemon square?