FUN

I'm Treating Myself to Spa Sunday and You Should Too After Reading This Week's Emoji Horoscopes

What ways do you pamper yourself when you're blue?
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Publish date:
March 20, 2016
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There is no worse feeling in my opinion than thinking you have something all figured out and tied up in a pretty little bow to have it blow up in your face just seconds before it starts. I never really watched CSI or CSI: Miami or CSI: Warsaw, but I imagine the aftermath is the same feeling as when the bomb actually goes off (did that actually ever happen or was it always defused somehow?). Anyway, can we all let out an expletive for a quick second?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK.

If things won't go my way this week (but it's probably better off that they don't in the long run), then fine; I'm going to take matters into my own hands and treat myself to a Spa Sunday to feel better. I've spent the better part of this morning strapped to my boyfriend's Ultima 3T electrotherapy machine, which is basically a free lower back massage. I then gave myself a facial using the Truth Vitality Lux Renew, which is fancy name for an LED light therapy device. I'm sure some of you have heard me complaining on Facebook Live that my face is currently a pimply mess, and this has blue light for acne, red light for anti-aging and the "invisible" ultrasound light for even more anti-aging...?

As I write this, I've moved onto smelling fragrances at my fragrance bar (current count: 20+), something that always makes me happy. I personally love the "stories" behind fragrances and imagining them as I spray them on my skin. My friend who works for Burberry and gave me an early sample of their new men's fragrance — aptly called Mr. Burberry — was telling me that the Mr. B man lives in London (clearly) and wears his Burberry trench (obviously) to his fancy job on Regent Street. We were also pretty buzzed when he told me all of this, so Regent Street might not be exactly the fancy part of town he works in, but I definitely know it's not Oxford Street. That just wouldn't be the Mr. Burberry man, and I know that because of the story behind the fragrance.

Meanwhile, the story behind the new Mugler fragrance is Georgia May Jagger, who is the daughter of model Jerry Hall (oh, yeah, and Mick Jagger). Jerry was the original muse for the now-iconic fragrance which has long been a favorite of mine. Yes, I'm talking about that blue star bottle with the gourmandize fragrance that strangely feels fancy at Macy's, budget at Nordstrom, and has a strange way of permeating the smell of a suburban mall food court. Their mass appeal aside, both the original and the new Muse are beautiful fragrances, and I can't stop spraying them on my skin side-by-side to notice all the subtle differences.

You may be wondering at this point, despite all my usual rambling, why I've ended up discussing fragrance for this week's emoji scopes, instead of possibly writing a beauty post for xoVain. The reason really is because despite there being millions* of fragrances on the market, each of them has to smell distinctly unique, just as these horoscopes are unique for each of you. It's why the process of creating a fragrance can sometimes take years, so that perfumers can get them to a place where they — in the words of most fragrance marketing materials out there — "surprise and delight" and become one-of-a-kind on the market.

In the same way, I hope these emoji horoscopes entertain you each week, even on the crappiest of weeks.

*Probably not an accurate number of fragrances available on the market