I was perusing Dolly Parton's Twitter feed like I do every morning, bleaching my mustache and singing "Jolene" when I noticed something unusual.
How did I not notice this before? Was the steam from my morning bowl of pone fogging my glasses?
Some lengthy investigative journalism (googling "Dolly Parton Cracker Barrel?!!!!!!!") reveals that this CD came out in April and has already gone gold.
This SUCKS, because my original list of things to do today was
1) meet with a trainer
2) buy mayonnaise
3) DON'T DIE ON THE HIGHWAY THUMBING A RIDE TO CRACKER BARREL
As I JUST promised my girl friend I would not hitchhike any more, "even as a joke," I decided to email my friends and ask for a ride. I share it with you because it contains the only appropriate response to "Is there a Cracker Barrel near here where I can buy a Dolly Parton CD":
Guys, I'm not even kidding. I'm going to Cracker Barrel so I can buy and review this CD. Spoiler Alert: FIVE STARS A +PLUS RECOMMENDED.
While I'm off doing that, why don't you enjoy these, some of my favorite tweets from Dolly's official account?
Say them loud, and there's music playing, say them soft, and it's almost like praying.
(And my personal favorite, because, what? Oh, Dolly.)
Be right back, my chicken dumplings.