Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
Last week I was minding my own business, shopping for dog knows what, when what before my eyes should appear but a slap in the face in the form of a sandwich cookie.
I realize that I had just been sent Oreo Thins, but frankly I find meta-Oreo (official name: Cookies & Creme Oreo) much more fascinating than those. These are like postmodern Oreos. I am obsessed.
Some of you may feel that this is the height of stupid American consumerism, that Oreo has gone too far, that all the pressure to churn out innovative Oreo flavors has finally caused them to crack. There could be a bit of that in play, but I think this actually a genius move on the part of Nabisco. I do, however, have some theories on how these came into existence:
- Being much more fragile than initially anticipated, over half of the Oreo Thins crumbled to dust during production. Instead of wasting delicious chocolate wafers, Oreo decided to mix the resulting dust, fragments, and shards into their trademark Stuf and pass this whole thing off as intentional.
- Oreo is so obsessed with cutting waste while increasing profits that they are literally sweeping the factory floors for new ingredients.
- Someone on their creative team read Infinite Jest for the first time and is now obsessed with postmodernism.
- They're straight up trolling America.
- They're straight up trolling me specifically.
However they came to be, I'm happy that meta-Oreos exist. In fact, this may be my favorite flavor they've ever made. I like Oreos. These are Oreos with more Oreo. They heard I liked Oreos so they put Oreos in my Oreos. (Full disclosure: several of my Facebook friends made this joke and I'm stealing it from them.) I could go on and on about how this is a great thing and definitely not at all stupid, but let's examine these critically, as I do every Oreo I encounter.
First. It's worth noting that I ate almost all of them before taking the requisite pictures. This is impressive because I am usually able to exercise restraint until after the photo shoot, but the siren call of these was too strong, and I regret nothing.
Obviously there is no wafer innovation occurring here and obviously I am okay with that. Changing the classic chocolate wafer for Cookies & Creme Oreo would be like a Grateful Dead concert without Garcia. (There'd still be a draw but once you get there you're like "oh, this is a waste of my money.")
Now here is where the magic lies. It's your basic Oreo Stuf with delightful little crunchy pieces of Oreo mixed in. The pieces vary in size, which keeps it interesting. In addition to the bits and shards, there's also a good bit of Oreo dust distributed throughout the creme, allowing one to get a full cookies and cream experience from the creme alone. The creme is a bit fluffier -- which seems to happen with a lot of the flavored cremes -- and there's more of it. It's not quite Double Stuf, but it's more Stuf than normal Stuf.
Is it Better Than a Regular Oreo?
Yes. Yup. Definitely. I love them and I will buy more of them. In my world of seemingly infinite free Oreos, this should mean something to you.
I'm still a little hurt that these weren't sent to me, but it's possible that they're being tested in this region and haven't been nationally released yet. (Though it seems they were kind of a thing back in 2012 under the name "Ice Cream Oreos"?) I've only found them at one store (QFC) and I plan to stock up.
If you wish to take this to the next level, I suggest you make Meta-Oreo Ice Cream Sandwiches, using cookies and cream ice cream. EVEN BETTER: make your own cookies and cream ice cream using Cookies & Creme Oreos and then sandwich that between more Cookies & Creme Oreos.
It's Oreos all the way down.