In what some (that would be me) are calling "amends for those Swedish Fish abominations," Oreo has released two delicious candy bars. Though it may seem like a sucrose-fueled fever dream, let me assure you that they are real and they are spectacular.
This move makes a lot of sense. After the great Swedish Fish debacle of 2016 — and it would be 2016, wouldn't it? — the Oreo flavor team needs to go sit in a corner and think about what they've done. Luckily, these candy bars are the perfect way to to say "I'm sorry" to every mouth that was subjected to the vile, red cookie that shall henceforth be known as "The Donald Trump of Oreos."
ANYWAY. Let's talk about these bars.
There are two: the Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar and the Milka Big Crunch Chocolate Candy bar. Both contain creamy, melty Milka milk chocolate. Both contain delectable Oreo cookie pieces. Both are filled with a sweet, sweet creme filling.
Both are delightful.
I had actually had the pleasure of tasting the Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar before, when I found it in a German sausage shop that also happens to have a tight European candy game. I was a little worried that the US version would taste different than its foreign cousin, but I'm happy to report that the two are virtually indistinguishable from each other.
This bar has all things that are good. Crunchy little bits of Oreo cookie punctuate a layer of rich vanilla creme filling, bringing forth a flood of the Hershey's Cookies 'n' Cream bar memories. The Milka bar is an improvement on those however, as the cookies-and-creme layer is enrobed in a very rich layer of European Milka chocolate candy. (It really helps that this chocolate is not Hershey's, which I find has a weird acidic flavor.)
The Big Crunch bar is basically the same thing as the Chocolate Candy Bar except it is much bigger and has a much more substantial layer of Oreo cookie goodness. Unlike its little brother, I had not encountered this fine specimen of a candy bar in any European candy shop, and I was stoked to mash it up my chops.
When it comes to Oreos, there are two types of people: Team Cookie people and Team Creme people. If you are #teamcookie, then the Big Crunch Bar is for you.
Basically, these bars are inverses of each other. With the Oreo Chocolate Candy bar, the creme is broken up by bits of cookie, but the Big Crunch Bar flips the script, making the creme the accessory and the cookie the star.
Honestly, both are very good options; it really just boils down to your cookies-to-creme ratio preference. If, however, you aren't a huge fan of milk chocolate, this might not be the bar for you. Though it's much better than a lot of mass-produced American chocolate, the Milka chocolate candy is quite sweet, and very milky, but I consider those traits to be positives when we're talking about candy bars.
The Milka Oreo Big Crunch bar is available RIGHT NOW in limited quantities, so go getchu one. You'll have to wait just a smidge longer for the Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy bar however, as that one will be rolling out in January of 2017. That may seem like a long ways away, but it's OK. I'll just add it to my list of "Reasons I Can't Wait for This Godforsaken Year to Be Over."