Michael Bublé Ate Some Corn Incorrectly and I'm Kind of Mad at Him

Let's take a tour through some of the most egregious (though technically victimless) food crimes.
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Claire Lower
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Let's take a tour through some of the most egregious (though technically victimless) food crimes.

There may be no wrong way to eat a Reese's, but there is an incorrect way to eat corn, and it looks like this:

wrong corn.jpg

Honestly, what is happening here? I have seriously never seen corn consumed in such a matter. You either eat in a row like a typewriter, or you rotate the cob, consuming the golden morsels in neat little circles. The main question this photo raises is for me is "what happens next?"Where does Bublé go from here? This method obviously only works for the tip or the ear, so I kind of wish I could see how this whole thing plays out.

Unashamed of his unorthodox approach to munching on maize, Bublé shot back at the corn critics.

Take that mothershuckers.

I know a few of you are all "who even caaaaaares?" but honestly, it would seem that a lot of people do. For some reason or another, there are a few foods that inspire heated debate over the "proper" way to eat them. My stepmom once got super annoyed at me for biting and chewing my ice cream, instead of licking the cone like a normal child. I mean, looking back, I agree that chewing ice cream is freaking weird, but I wasn't harming anyone. 

I try to be pretty "live and let live" when it comes to how people choose to put food in their bodies, but even I'm not immune to judging those who eat foods "incorrectly." Let's take a tour through some of the most egregious (though technically victimless) food crimes. These are the ones that really get my goat, so to speak.

Cutting Your Pizza with a Fork and Knife

Politicians simply cannot eat pizza correctly. It seems like very couple of weeks, a news story pops up about some politician going to New York and cutting their damn slice with a fork and knife. You think they would have learned from the mistakes of those that came before them, but they simply refuse to learn. Governer John Kasich just did this! Here he is, defending himself and his bad decisions. 

Putting Ketchup Directly on Your Fries

I don't know why, but this grosses me out on a visceral level. I need my ketchup to be on the side, not touching a single fry, until I am ready to dip that fry and put it immediately into my mouth. Maybe it's a fear of sogginess, but I've found I have no such problems with gravy. (I bet it's a fat versus water content issue.)

Sipping Shots

Now hear this, my friends: shots are not for sipping. If you want something to sip on, just order a cocktail, or a beer, or a milkshake. Do not order a shot, "give it a taste," declare it "too strong" and then sip it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to do shots but, if you order one, commit damn it.

Cutting a Burrito into Slices

Last week, I met some friends at a food cart pod. Well, I say "friends," but a couple of them have since been demoted, after I saw a burrito befall some very serious mistreatment by their hands. 

Instead of picking up the whole burrito and unwrapping the foil to take bites as needed, my friend Alex unwrapped the whole thing and then proceeded to slice it into rounds, like those deli pinwheel sandwiches you see at Costco. "I am going to take a picture of this and shame you on the internet," I said. So that's what I'm doing.

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To his credit, Alex was able to eat the little wheels without spilling precious burrito filling everywhere, but his hands are much bigger than mine, and I think we can all agree that this is just wrong.

So those are all the weird issues I have with how other people choose to consume certain dishes, at least the ones that occur to me immediately. What weird food-related pet peeves do you have? Do you eat your corn in rows or circles? Is biting and chewing ice cream really that strange?