Gordon Ramsay Doesn't Like Girl Scout Cookies, Is Dead to Me

How dare he.
Author:
Publish date:
February 26, 2016
Tags:
Tags:
cookies, girl scout cookies, Gordon Ramsay, Jimmy Kimmel, Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs

On a recent episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live, Gordon Ramsay expressed his desire to leave the United States by spitting out both a Samoa and a Thin Mint.

The British chef isn't exactly known for being the most agreeable man on TV, but a line has been crossed. As Kimmel explains before Ramsay even takes a bite, in terms of things U.S.-ians really care about, it goes: American Flag, Willie Nelson, Girl Scout Cookies.

After this warning that he would be treading into near sacred territory, Ramsay proceeds to compare the beautifully smooth and uniform appearance of Tagalongs to dog biscuits, because most dog biscuits are covered in chocolate. He declares the Tagalong "okay" before moving on to the crown jewel of the Girl Scout Cookie collection: the Samoa.

Listen. If you don't like coconut (or if your taste buds have been chemically burned), the Samoa isn't going to be your favorite, but beyond that, there's really no excuse for not enjoying that coconut-enrobed, chocolate-drizzled, delight of a cookie. After taking a cautious bite, Ramsay pronounces my personal favorite "a bit weird" before spitting it out like a petulant child. (Sidebar: I have only spit out maybe two bites of food in my life that weren't pieces of gristle, and one of those bites had an actual ant on it that was actively biting my mouth, so it's something I reserve for only the most extreme of circumstances, not like, a commercially-produced cookie.)

Finally he gets to Thin Mints, those perfect little crispy wafers of chocolaty, minty goodness. Now, to be fair, it doesn't look like the cookies Ramsay is being served are frozen (which, as Kimmel explains, is the correct serving temperature for the treat) so conditions are less than ideal, but not even room temperature Thin Mints deserve to be compared to a "cheap, After Eight dinner mint." Unable to allow his taste buds to be assaulted for even one more moment, Ramsay spits out yet another cookie, effectively canceling his visa.

Now, my faux-rage is really acting up over this, and maybe it's because I was a (not very good) Girl Scout, but I think it's Ramsay's shitty attitude. You just spit out free cookies, man. What's wrong with you? It's not really the fact that he didn't like the cookies — everyone is entitled to their own wrong opinion — it's the flippant disregard for a dearly loved American treasure. I'm sorry that the Brownie Bakery isn't personally run by Dominique Ansel, but how would you like it if I went to England and spit out a Jaffa Cake on BBC Four? (Let's be real, they wouldn't let me on any of the better BBCs.)

Like, c'mon dude. Obama likes Thin Mints. Elizabeth Banks crumbles frozen Samoas over ice cream (genius). Tom Hanks loves the things so much, he helps sell them sometimes. Do you think you're better than Obama, Banks and Hanks?

Now, some of you may feel inclined to defend ol' Gordon. Maybe you think Girl Scout cookies are a little "over-hyped" and "too expensive for what they are." Both of these points may be valid, but by spitting out a Thin Mint, Ramsay is spitting on America, and it's tradition of paying a little too much for a brightly colored box of uniform, machine-assembled cookies so that young girls can learn "Five Essential Skills" and earn badges that I was never able to earn. (Though I was very enthusiastic about the cookies themselves, my technique as a young sales woman could best be described as "non-existent.")

Make no mistake, I am definitely overreacting here, but I think only by a little. I know Ramsay was just playing up his controversial persona (kind of like how I'm playing up my Processed Cookie Crusader persona) but a line has been crossed and this SHALL NOT STAND, NO SIR.

If something good can come from this, if we can learn and heal and rebuild after this attack on all that is good, it's the fact that we can use this nontroversy as a jumping off point to have a conversation about Girl Scout Cookies in the comments.

I mean, it's Friday, and all I really want to do is talk about cookies.