Since I seem to move every nine months like a high-maintenance nomad who always wants to live in up-and-coming neighborhoods, I’ve gotten pretty good at paring down. My current closet’s a third of the size it was in my last apartment (the one I lived in uh, four months ago) and my new dresser looks like every wonky IKEA dresser I’ve had in the past, except split in half.
If I haven’t worn a garment in a year, I give it to Goodwill. Or I dangle it in front of one of my roommates until she grabs it like a dog snatching a slice of pizza you were casually holding near your hip (damn you, every Golden Retriever I’ve ever eaten pizza in front of.)
Once I finish a book, I happily give it away. Having a John Waters-approved library is heavy when packed in the cardboard box you swiped from your office, man. And I get an intense amount of satisfaction from taking out the trash.
But I still couldn’t imagine not carrying EVERYTHING I NEEDED EVER on my person. I used to look at men wearing cargo shorts and think, “But, where do they keep everything? Aren’t their pants ... heavy?”
It may have been because I started dating a man who rides a motorcycle that I finally learned to let go of my huge-butt bags and totes, stick a few things in the pockets of my leather jacket, and hope I don’t die as I straddle the backseat of his bike. But now I’ve realized it’s a relief to not have so much shit hanging on a massive satchel on your shoulder.
And when I carry a purse that's larger than a toddler's backpack, I manage to fill it with a bunch of crap, anyway:
Why do we need so much stuff physically weighing us down? We're already carrying the burden of the person we're dating being emotionally unavailable (motorcyle) -- why also carry around bags jam-packed with things we don't really need?
(Unless you're a nanny or a mom. In which case: Do you have any WetNaps? My hands are feeling pretty grimey. I'd also like a snack.)
So my challenge, to you: Abandon that big-ass bag for a week! And PERHAPS you'll begin to feel a little bit lighter.
Here's some stuff to clutter your American Girl doll-sized closet for inspiration.
This tiny cat purse is so cute it to makes me want to become one of those weirdos in Union Square who carries a "Free Hugs" sign. ISN'T THE WORLD SO WONDERFUL? I like that its innards have pockets to organize your junk, too. And if you can't afford it, just put it on your Pinterest board and pretend that you own it.
My favorite thing about tiny, transparent purses is the prospect of a dude seeing your tampons and getting weird about it. So naturally, I'm in love with this cross-body bag that looks like it was bejeweled by mermaids -- and that you CANNOT fit nine pens, six lighters, two notebooks, and a rhinestone-encrusted pepper spray (pictured above) in it.
Now, to pack said tiny purse:
A DISCLAIMER HERE that I know the man who started Tight Wallets, and I think he's a beautiful human being. However, I know plenty of wonderful people who ask me to back their projects on Kickstarter and I have to ignore their emails, because I'm positive I'd rather spend my hard-earned money on tiny Tokyo Cat purses.
Tight Wallets are simple: Elastic and leather stitched together to create a compact lil' guy for your cards and cash-money. I began using mine only after I left the wallet I'd had for SEVEN YEARS on the bar at the Echo. (I was there to pick up the debit card I had left at a show earlier that night, mind you.) Initially I thought I'd also lose the tight wallet immediately, but now I'm madly in love with it.
It fits in the side pocket of any tiny purse, so your money feels secure, and it's easy to grab and run to the corner store with. Watch the video, and maybe you'll get it. (My butt's in there. I was very self conscious about the whole ordeal.)
Neat, fancy name for your "trinket box," friend. But I think we all know deep, deep down inside that the only thing we truly need to haul around -- other than our wallet, our key(s), a lip stuff, and perhaps some pepper spray -- is a macaron-size box for our vitamins.
Vitamins are very important.
Plus, for the rest of the stuff, there's always a drugstore on the corner. And asking for a light is a great way to make friends (who are most likely emotionally unavailable, but let's discuss that some other time).
Now, go! Be free with your pared-down purse! I believe in you.