HOW TO: Wear Secret Socks With Heels

Not only are these socks secret, they have giant holes in them. Only the best for you, dear readers.

Feb 12, 2014 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

Those of you who read this headline and had instant rage flashbacks to Lesley's "Wear Sandals with Socks" post, relax. I'm not some Dr. Evil clone, scheming to convert the entire world into committing what has been deemed the worst fashion faux pas of all time while my trusty pet Mr. Bigglesworth chills at my side. 

image

Anyway, this pet's name is Mr. Scruffs.

This post is about SECRET socks, meant to be hidden from the world while still performing all the functions regular socks do -- namely keeping your feet warm and toasty and absorbing random sweat and foot odors that feet have a curious habit of producing.

How can such a mean feat be accomplished? With these incredibly clever knee-high Keysocks, meant to cover the bottom of your foot, your toes, heels and calves while leaving the top of your foot exposed, so you can wear them with heels or ballet flats under jeans or pants and nobody will be the wiser.

These are your grandmother's Peds on steroids. I hate the sensation of bare feet in shoes, but obviously can't be going around wearing regular old fuzzy socks with heels and ballet flats. And regular old Peds don’t stay put on my particular feet -- they are forever sliding down on my ankles and ending up scrunched around my toes, irking me to no end. 

You slip the Keysocks over your calf first, then adjust around the toe for whatever shoe you happen to be wearing. I didn't realize until I saw this photo on their site that these slightly ridiculous socks are the absolute solution to making stinky Toms not stink. 

This invention is right up there with the Ring Cozy -- you'll either love it and say to yourself "What won't they think of next?" or wonder what the hell is the point of such an item. I'm personally guaranteed a huge blister any time I wear shoes with no socks, so I'm all over this zany idea.

You could also just take a pair of scissors to some knee-high socks you already own, (that's actually how Keysocks came into being in the first place) although I'd be willing to bet they wouldn't stay put around your toes as well as the real thing. 

Keysocks come in beige, black or brown, and in regular (similar to a pair or tights) or lite (the thickness of a dress sock) versions and retail for $11.95 per pair. They are also available in regular or wide-calf widths, so twig legs and calves of doom™ (17" or wider) alike can enjoy this wondrous creation, sent from heaven to keep our feet warm and dry, all the while keeping themselves a secret from prying eyes.

In short: yes, I really am suggesting that you spend your money on socks with giant holes in them. So what say ye? 

I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison.