"Put A Seahorse On It" Is CLEARLY the New "Put A Bird On It"

Things used to have birds on them. Now they have seahorses! Try to keep up.

Jun 4, 2013 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

Sometimes I think there is a giant secret meeting each season (a cabal of sorts) attended by every designer, manufacturer and retailer of trendy clothes in the world. They wear some glitzy ceremonial robes, huddle over a bubbling cauldron, and decide which very specific looks they are going to fill the racks with at every price point. There is no other legitimate way to explain the insane proliferation of total style sameness at every single store, season after season.

For the past 6 years (at least), we -- the clothing and accessory purchasing public -- have been tortured with every single garment/tote bag/hair clip/piece of jewelry having a bird on it. Which led us to this, of course.

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If you haven't seen Portlandia's "Put a Bird on It" sketch, go watch it now!

I think I may have liked bird stuff at one time. Maybe I had a bird necklace? But I kind of doubt it, as it's a pretty twee, "adorkable" look. Seahorse stuff is another story. I have actually bought a ton of seahorse crap over the years, because my mom has had salt water aquariums in her office for some time now. They are always pretty spectacular to look at.

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My mom's fish, just cold chillin'.

She also had some beautiful, delicate seahorses for a little while. But seahorses are hella weird. They can't swim very well, so they have to just hang out with their tails curled around some stationary object. The female seahorse impregnates the male seahorse, who then puffs up like a balloon while he gestates the baby seahorses. They get stressed out super easily, and have to be in their own private tank lest they get beaten out in the race for food.

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I asked my mom if this seahorse had a name and she was like "Who raised this ding dong?"

She doesn't have the seahorses anymore, but the desire of her children to fill her house with seahorse crap is still strong. So I have bought a lot of stuff with seahorses on it in my time -- mostly housewares. What I haven't seen until just recently are very many clothes with a seahorse motif. If you like weird sea creatures, I’ve got great news for you: the seahorse is most definitely the new "bird" of 2013. If you don't believe me, just have a look:

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Modcloth dress, $58.99.

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J. Crew tee, $45.00.

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Modcloth maxi-dress, $64.99. (This dress comes up to a 4X!)

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Asos playsuit, $33.94.

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9 West sandals, $49.99.

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ABS earrings, $30.00.

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Tarina Tarantino earrings, $25.00.

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Ted Baker swimsuit, $117.09. 

I could take or leave most of these, with the exception of that Modcloth maxi-dress. But I'm not one for cutesy-cutesy when it comes to my clothes. Although I do have to admit--I actually just bought a dress with seahorses on it for myself. Then I made my friend buy one too. We couldn't resist the call of the seahorse. Also, IT HAS POCKETS!!

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This dress went to lunch, dinner, then bed, and got back up to do laundry and go to the grocery store. SUPERDRESS!

I got it one week ago at Target -- it's their Merona brand, and is not available on their website for some reason, but they had a ton on the rack. They also have this sweater and at least 4 other random seahorse-y themed clothing items.

What say ye? Yea or nay? I say you better gird your loins for seahorse mania -- cause it's about to begin in a huge way. You heard it here first.

I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison