I’ll just get straight to the point here: I AM SO IN LOVE WITH CHOKERS. I’ve been wearing one for weeks now and shamelessly stealing glances of myself as I pass by every mirrored surface because DAMN. GIRL LOOKS GOOD.
OK, enough narcissism. For now.
Seriously though, nothing is overtly sexier than a bunch of jumbled up beautifulness around your clavicles. I mean they’re essentially pretty dog collars. Which is HOT in my book.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting just as jaded with this resurgent 90s nostalgia as the next Tumblr owner, but you can’t deny the appeal of looking like a punky-Victorian lady hybrid sexpot. And if you must have more proof as to WHY chokers are the bomb, take a gander at these sensual, choker-wearing ladies of yore:
1. Natalie Portman in "The Professional"
OK, I feel creepy saying “sensual” in the previous paragraph because, blegh! She’s a wee babe in this movie! BUT, she looks supremely adorable, and -– IF YOU RECALL -- she wears a freaking choker for the entire movie.
2. The ladies of "Jawbreaker"
Every righteous high school villainess should rock a choker. Also, every righteous high school villainess should be Rose McGowan. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it always: that woman is a dreamboat. I guess the other girls wear chokers, too? Who cares!
3. Kirsten Dunst in "Marie Antoinette"
OK, I’m cheating a little bit because this came out in 2006, but whatever. I could look at those jaw-droppingly gorgeous wardrobe choices for days. Which include, but are not limited to, sexy chokers. Coincidentally, I could listen to that soundtrack full of Bow Wow Wow and Gang of Four on a running loop as well. How delightful!
She’s terrifying. But boy does she werk it in the style department. A+ choker usage, girl!
5. The ladies of "Clueless"
Tai (gasp! RIP! I always forget) and Amber rocked these. And, let me tell you, if the notoriously bitchy one and the style transformation hottie were into these, you should be too.
And then there’s little old me, who has been wearing a DIY choker for a solid month now. I sleep in it. I do homework in it. I do everything short of BATHING in it. I just feel so hot! And seductive! And fancy!
Anywho, while mine is simply comprised of craft store rose embellishments that I haphazardly hand stitched onto black ribbon, I’ve come across many a lovely choker necklace online.
This one is from Etsy and it is serving up Natalie Portman in the Professional REALNESS. I’m partial towards the simplistic black ribbon chokers and cheap things, so this one is a winner! It’s only 23 bucks! And you’d be sporting a cutesy, jingly cat chain. Kitschy and adorbs, if I do say so.
This one is from Boticca and it is serving up crazy, jumbled, decadent, Victorian realness, which I fully endorse for times when you’re feeling a little more fancy-shmancy. Maybe it's a little bit Daisy Buchanan, flapper-inspired as well, but either way, this choker definitely calls for floor-sweeping hoop skirts and endless sassy, gold-shaving-topped desserts, in my humble opinion. Which is expert choker opinion.
So, are you guys all: “Stop trying to make chokers happen, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!” or are you more like: “That Gabi is so smart and fashion trend savvy. I’ll give it a go, goddamnit!” That’s not a movie quote. But I hope SOMEBODY says that sometime.
VOICE YOUR OPINIONS, CHIQUITAS Y CHIQUITOS.