Cats have been having a banner news month. Just yesterday, I came across this story about a couple whose boat exploded, stranding them and their 2 cats at sea. One of the cats abandoned ship immediately and swam to a rescue boat, the other perched on the bow of the sinking ship until he finally had to give up and deign to swim to safety. Check out this incredible photo:
Cats, man. Even in a disaster they are all, "Ugh, I don't want to get wet! Come get me!" It was a tuna boat, too. No wonder that kitty wasn't so keen on abandoning ship.
Other cat lovers around the world aren't faring well either. This lady's cat snacked on her body after she died in her house, and this guy's cat was used against him as evidence after he murdered someone! (Turns out he dismembered the body inside his cat fur-filled apartment, and cat DNA is just like human DNA. Doh!) It's not the first time cat hair has helped solve a murder, shockingly.
Hold up. You give your cat everything and still they turn against you in your time of need?? If you can't trust your cat to help you cover up a murder, who can you count on? Nobody, that's who.
I think I can say with some authority that there are more than a few crazy cat ladies here on xoJane. Probably enough to start our own political party. I mean, there are numerous examples of xoJ cat love everywhere you look around these parts. We love our cats, and our cats love us.
So why wouldn't everyone want to peep a bunch of adorable cat accessories? If you don't or can't have a pet, I beg you not to despair, as these cat clothes are actually a far better bet -- they are guaranteed never to piss in your brand new Balenciaga handbag or finger you in a murder.
I realize I said this post was for cat lovers and haters alike, but if you happen to hate cats but still decided to click on this article, I'm not sure what your problem is. Only God can help you now. As Tynan would say: go ahead and lower yourself into a grave, because this post will kill you.
Someone please buy me that "I LIKE CATS" T-shirt immediately. My show just got canceled so I am on a total, immediate spending freeze. (Except I bought this ridiculous "Kate Moss and Some Pizza Slices" sweatshirt because there is some sort of magnetic force field around it that captures your credit card number.) And, yes, that is indeed a pretty superb knockoff of those $600.00 Charlotte Olympia kitty shoes courtesy of the never-not-awesome dELiA*s for a measly $33.00.
Last week when I answered a reader question about how to wear some crazy-ass boots, I suggested she pair them with a cat face dress from H&M. Approximately 999,999 commenters purchased said dress in short order, so I dug up a few other options for you to check out. Because every crazy cat lady needs a cat dress in her life. Which reminds me, that little doll Anna who submitted the question totally ordered the cat dress and then sent me pics of how she styled it!
+5,000 style points to her for the twisted leather belt and jean jacket addition. Even her fiance, who was initially NOT team crazy boots, liked it. It's possible I pulled a muscle patting myself on the back for that one.
I know Taylor Swift burned the cat-ear headband into the ground with her "22" video, but I still kind of think they are a pretty great wardrobe staple. And those cat tattoos up there are totally temporary, you lily-livered sissy. There are just too many good cat clothes and junk out there to fit into a single post. This could be part one of 10,000.
Um, paging Annie. She needs to own that cat snapback up there. (Us Texas babes gotta stick together.)
Cat leggings worn with cat pumps is pretty much the cat lady master class. Why waste time making people WONDER if you are slightly crazed? Wear cat pants with cat shoes and remove all doubt from their minds IMMEDIATELY.
Please do take this post as an excuse to post pics of your best cat clothing purchases and pics of your own kitties. Or cat GIFS, hello! (And thanks to my pal Emily Kavanaugh for the ridiculous pun-ish title that Jane spaced on changing.)
I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison