Does The Average American Male Even Care What We're Wearing?

Who are you dressing for when you put your clothes on every morning?

Feb 15, 2012 at 3:34pm | Leave a comment

Who are you dressing for when you put your clothes on every morning?  For me, it depends on what I have going on.  If I am going to be on set with the bosses/talent, then I make sure to wear a skirt.  One with pockets, cause I always have to have a gang of stuff on me.  (Safety pins, double stick tape, phone, lint roller, gum, scissors.) 

If I am just shopping all day with another wardrobe girl, I usually wear combat boots and insanely patterned leggings with some sort of equally crazy patterned shirt with pockets.  That way the salesgirls think I’m nuts, write me off, and leave me alone to shop in peace.

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If I’m going out with my girlfriends, I always attempt to dress up, but I’m sure if you asked a guy’s opinion, I always screw it up. I’ve got the crazy high platform shoes/short skirt part down, but I can’t ever finish it off with some "sexy" top -- I always end up wearing either a Metallica T-shirt or a worn out flannel shirt with holes in it. If a boy is gonna come up and talks to me, dressed the way I am, in a sea of chicks in halter tops, then I already know that he’s a brave weirdo. I’m very lazy so I like my clothes to do half the work for me.
 
But for the most part, do regular guys even care what we have on? My friend Chad Kultgen all is the author of 3 somewhat controversial books and an unabashed plain black T-shirt wearer.  A lot of girls like to hate on Chad because they think his books are misogynistic. I like things that subvert polite society and I see his books as a sort of twisted satire, so I’m the wrong person to ask. There is an awful lot of crazy sex and online porn watching going on in his books, but in fact Chad is about the most polite, kind, encouraging friend you could hope to have in this screwy town.
 
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I figured a guy who wears the same thing every day and in particular one who writes about women as much as he does was as good a person as any to ask about his views on what chicks wear. 

When I pitched the idea for this story to him here’s what he wrote back, verbatim. “I agree to these terms. I hate fashion. I have never given a fuck what a chick wears.” At that point I started to think that asking him jack shit was maybe a stupid idea, but I decided to press on, even though I have no business interviewing anyone, since I call everyone "dude" or "doll."

Hi dude.  Thanks for doing this. First off, how did it come to pass that you exclusively wear this black pocket tee/blue jeans look?
 
Chad: I can't really remember. I think it started five or six years ago. It had something to do with my mom getting me a few packs of the shirts and then they just kind of migrated to the top of my laundry pile and slowly the other, non-black, non-pocketedT-shirts stopped getting washed and/or worn. I kept buying myself more packs of black pocketed T-shirts and my mom kept getting me more of them for various holidays and birthdays and now I don't even think about it anymore. I'm OK with this.
 
The fact that your T-shirts have a pocket always sticks out to me. I think it says a little something extra about the wearer.
 
C: I like the pocket. I put shit in the pocket. I put valet tickets in the pocket. I put small pieces of gum in the pocket. I put business cards in the pocket. Then before I throw any shirt in the wash I look in the pocket and see what items of that day wound up in there. It's really fun.

Does the way a girl is dressed influence whether you are attracted to her?
 
C: No. Obviously a girl can wear more revealing clothing to give me (or any straight guy) a better idea of what her body looks like, which can be more or less attractive depending on personal preference of any specific girl's body type. But the difference between jeans and sweatpants, to me anyway, is zero. I couldn't tell you one outfit a girl has ever worn in my presence that I even vaguely remember.
 
What would you think of a girl you saw wearing this outfit? Be honest -- it’s physically impossible to hurt my feelings and a bunch of crazy girls dug it when I wore it. (I show him the above picture of me in the zebra pants.)
 
C: The outfit is meaningless to me. What's more interesting is that the photographer/model (you) is in a public bathroom taking pictures of herself. That, along with the psychopathic expression you're either giving yourself in the mirror or (even stranger) any future viewers of this photo, is far more telling about the kind of deranged person you clearly are than the pants or shirt or shoes, all of which seem perfectly functional.

What about girls wearing leggings as pants?  I always say leggings aren’t pants but here I am wearing them.
 
C: This kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier -- the only kind of clothing that I ever take notice of in the least is revealing clothing. The fact that leggings are considered fashionable (I think) is great. It's a fashion statement I can get behind. I'll also be on board for shirts with clear nipple panels and pants with holes in the vagina area when those fashions catch on.
 
Would the outfit a girl was wearing ever keep you from wanting to have sex with her?
 
C: I won't get into the things that should have deterred me from wanting to have sex with certain girls but I think it's safe to say that I've powered through marginal fear for my life in some instances and still did what my biological programming demanded of me. So, no, an outfit would never keep me from wanting to have sex with any girl.
 
Do you like it when a girl wears heels vs. flats? Does it matter to you?
 
C:  Doesn't matter. My only preference where shoes are concerned is that a woman keeps them on until she enters a home of some kind. Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine, but when an otherwise nice lady gets drunk and takes her shoes off in a bar or in the street and just walks around barefoot until the bottoms of her feet are black with the filth of the city I'm a little disgusted.
 
My mom calls that "supermarket feet." What is a good first date outfit to you?
 
C: Whatever a girl is comfortable in. I really don't care what her outfit looks like as long as she likes wearing it. And certainly I think a girl is sexier in something that she likes to wear. So whatever that is for any specific girl in question is what she should wear. If a girl seems comfortable in what she's wearing I think it translates to how she interacts with you. If she's more comfortable around you, then you'll obviously be more attracted to her. The visual component of clothing is irrelevant. Shorts and dirty T-shirt is as good for me as a dress as long as she's into it. 
 
Do you think girls dress to impress other girls rather than men?
 
C: Of course they do. In most casual interactions I've witnessed between girls the first thing one or both girls will do when they meet up is compliment each other on some new piece of clothing or jewelry or a haircut. Guys will never mention these things unless forced into doing so by a girl wearing a new piece of clothing, jewelry or sporting a new hairdo. Girls not only notice these things but have opinions on them. Guys simply don't.

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Who do you dress for?  Does your significant other ever commentate on what you should wear/are wearing?  Mine almost never does.  But sometimes when I dress extra crazy for work, he does seem like he wants to take my temperature to see if I possibly have a fever.