Kanye West and I have a lot in common. We are both misunderstood creative geniuses, we both have weird first names and we both have a net worth of 90 million dollars.
Remember last week when he took the stage at the 12/12/12 concert wearing a leather skirt that made the Internet freak out? Why was it such a big deal? That’s not even the first time he wore that! Kanye fans were already well acquainted with the Givenchy leather skirt since he wore it throughout the Watch The Throne tour alongside Jay Z (no skirt for Jay, though).
Kanye is no stranger to rocking women’s pieces, and is not afraid to do so. Remember when he headlined Coachella wearing a women’s Celine top?
And so did everyone else. Kanye’s fave Celine print also made it into this collection of “Celine homage” skateboards:
And somehow onto this dog:
Icon status. So, anyway, Mr. West doesn’t give a fuck about what gender clothes are made for, and why should he? He knows a good piece when he sees one! I’m not mad.
It’s a dude in a skirt. Are we still shocked by that in 2012? I FOUND OUT FOR MYSELF.
Yes, I’m about to go there.
I love the skirt and I LOVE those leather “trousers” he wore underneath, also by Givenchy, and I wanted to recreate the look perfectly. Otherwise, what’s the point? Lucky for ME, leather skirts are everywhere right now so I knew it wouldn’t be too difficult to get the look right. I was lucky enough to get my hands on a leather skirt from Sparkle & Fade that is almost identical to Kanye’s, down to the faux underskirt that comes out from under the hem. Pair that bitch with a pair of leather leggings and BLAW. You are now watching the throne.
But what, I asked myself, would I DO in my Kanye Skirt? At first I thought I’d just stomp over to all of the nightspots that I’m usually haunting, typically while wearing pants. Then I realized that all of the places I always go are filled with all of the fools that know me. I had to come to terms with the harsh reality that precisely zero of my friends would be even remotely shocked to see me rocking a skirt. If I really wanted to shock my own friends, I’d have to throw on, like, cargo pants.
So I had to get out of my usual spots, the safe spaces. Then I thought it would be funny if I just spend the whole damn day in my Kanye Skirt, going about my business as normal. UNLUCKILY for me, I had to run all of the errands that I HATE. In a skirt.
ROAD TEST #1: THE CELL PHONE STORE
First, I had to go out to my cell phone service provider to drop off my LONER PHONE and pick up my BlackBerry. I HATE going to my service provider, it’s always SO stressful and inconvenient. Seriously, when I die and go to hell, it’s going to be me just waiting and waiting to get my damn phone worked on.
When I walked in, everyone’s head turned toward me. I’m sort of used to this by now because everything I own is heavily studded, but this was different. The store was busy as hell, but I got in and out of there faster than I ever have before, 15 minutes at most. I had a ton of sales associates approach me asking if I needed anything and I almost let one of them upgrade my phone for free. The skirt had power!
My skirt was admired by many civilians too, including a two-year-old girl in a puffy pink jacket and a gentleman a bit older than myself. An excerpt from our conversation, if you please:
Dude: “I like your boots.”
D: “Oh, I like your T-shirt, too.”
D: “And I like your...”
T: “Skirt. It’s a skirt.”
Hand to god, I will wear a skirt to the cell phone store from here on out if it makes the situation that effortless every time.
ROADTEST #2: THE GROCERY STORE
The OTHER place I hate going is the motherfucking grocery store. There’s just so much food everywhere and so many PEOPLE. Ugh, I’m getting anxious just writing about it.
Here’s where I thought the shit would really pop off. How wrong I was! Everyone else was just gliding on by, doing their own thing and not paying to attention to me or my outfit. While all eyes were on me at the previous venue, I was invisible at the grocery store.
I did get looked up and down by a cop in the checkout line, though. Protect and serve!
ROAD TEST #3: THE FUNDRAISER
Later that evening, I had tickets to this fundraiser that was all about... sustainability? I think that was it. I don’t know, I helped my friend make a blouse out of recyclables so that’s how my ass ended up there.
I was kind of concerned that a fundraiser wasn’t the best place to try out the Kanye Skirt, but the entire place ended up being a total fucking freak show so it was fine. People actually loved the Kanye Skirt and gave me a lot of compliments on it! It was celebrated! I think a guy who is pretty high up at the company I work for was there too, which was mortifying, but I was too focused on being a fashion icon to worry about it. I actually ended up getting upstaged by some annoying ass roller derby girls. We get it, you’re on skates indoors.
It was then that the most obvious question hit me: Where in the hell do you ladies put all your shit?
The Kanye Skirt didn’t have any pockets for my wallet or my keys or anything, so I just, like, HELD my phone all night like I was Paris Hilton or something. And apparently I am ALWAYS wiping my hands on my jeans because I caught myself trying to dry my hands on the Kanye Skirt about a thousand times. I was drinking this boozy, sweet potato snow cone (eye roll, I know) and it kept dripping all over my hands and I had nowhere to wipe them off!
ROAD TEST #4: THE BAR
My last stop was, predictably, the bar. A couple of my friends and I hit one of our usual places and, even more predictably, no one was shocked. People didn’t even COMMENT on it. What does that say about me as a person?!? Whatever. Most people who had seen the Kanye Skirt headlines got a kick out of it.
Would I wear the Kanye Skirt again? I mean, what wouldn’t I do at this point? One of my favorite parts of the whole ordeal was the leather leggings! They looked awesome. Have you guys heard about “MEGGINGS?” Leggings for men. It’s so stupid and literally not a trend but I’m totally obsessed. Would you guys read an article on meggings? I kind of feel that if I wear them, my big head on top of my skinny frame will make me look like a cake pop.
Truthfully, I think Kanye looks better in the Kanye Skirt than I do. His legs are thicker than mine and look better in the leather pants, whereas mine just look like spindly little twigs. And the skirt was weird to pee with. Like, I had to yank the skirt up and then have my phone and keys in one hand and my dick in the other, it was a handful (pun not intended but it stays).
I guess I’m still processing my feelings on it. Still, you can’t wear that much leather and not feel kind of hardcore. And even when I got some dirty looks from guys, I felt, like, “Scowl all you want, bro, do YOU have the balls to wear a skirt?”
Tynan is on Twitter wearing something inappropriate: @TynanBuck.