Like every woman everywhere, I’ve had my fair share of unwanted comments lobbed at me about my appearance. Exist in the world as woman and your appearance is perceived as public intellectual property. Men specifically seem to feel the most entitled to share opinions on what I look like, whether those thoughts are solicited or not (and they usually are not).
Though there have been many times that men have shared their feelings about me and my hair, makeup, and overall appearance, I find it the most perversely amusing to hear men’s thoughts about my clothing.
In 2010, I lived with two roommates in college, one of whom was a very lovely guy. As it was college, and we were often either going out or getting ready to go out together, I got in the habit of asking my roommates what they thought of different outfits when I was getting dressed for the night. One day, when I had put on a particularly flow-y draped-front shirt, I walked into the living room to ask my roommates their opinion. My male roommate, though opinionated, usually kept his comments on clothing to the relatively minimal, “this looks good,” or “maybe something warmer.” This time however, he had an immediate reaction to my loose top.
“Well I like the color but it looks.. weird in the front. Is it supposed to be like that?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I questioned, confused.
“The two sides hang down, and it looks like, a wilted flower? Or, like, a labia?” He sputtered, flustered.
I immediately burst out laughing (and, went to go change my shirt). Though that comment has yet to be replicated, I have catalogued below, for your reading pleasure, the thirteen most ridiculous things that guys have said about my clothing. Some of the comments have come from boyfriends or guy friends, and some of them have come from random strangers in bars, classrooms, and the streets of NYC.
“You look like a goth wearing all black like that.”
Hey, black is slimming and no hassle and I live in New York City; what the heck do you want from me?
“Your pants are too shiny for my eyes right now.”
That is… weird. Put some sunglasses on?
“You look like a politician’s wife.”
This is what I get when I try to dress “”professional.” Also, why a politician’s wife? Why not just a politician, huh?
“Why do girls wear things like overalls? Do they think they look good? Guys don’t think they look good.”
Well yes, yes I do think they look good, which might explain why I’m wearing them right now. I know it might sound crazy, but women don’t wear specific clothing solely to please the men around us. Shocking, I know.
“You wear that sweater a lot.”
It’s a sweater, it keeps me warm, and I like it. Do I need to buy a different sweater for every day of the week when I only wear it at the office? What is the issue here?
“I don’t like it when you wear heels.”
This is awkward, but I actually don’t exist to bolster your fragile masculinity. Sorry.
“Are you wearing leather because you’re trying to look chic?”
Uh, in short; yes.
“Are those boyfriend jeans? Do you have a boyfriend though?”
Ah, so you see, “boyfriend jeans” is just what this type of baggy jeans are called. You don’t actually have to have a boyfriend to wear them. It’s confusing, I know.
“From far away that dress makes you look naked.”
I have no idea how to respond to you right now.
“Is that a men’s shirt?”
Yep! I love men’s clothing. Got any you want to share?
“You’re showing a lot of midriff these days.”
Crop tops are in and I refuse to apologize if the sliver of my upper abdomen that is visible offends you.
“Those shorts are a little much.”
If by “too much” you mean “too short,” then the door is over here.
“I think my mom has that shirt!”
Well; she must be a very stylish woman.