A Ranking of the "Orphan Black" Clones From Most to Least Stylish

All played by Tatiana Maslany, the clones are each distinct in personality, tone and demeanor -- and style

Jun 9, 2014 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

Have you been watching "Orphan Black"? If not, you need to remedy your ways, dear friends. "Orphan Black" is one of the most dynamic, female-centric sci-fi shows in recent memory.
 
Here's the gist: Sarah Manning, a chill-ass punk from London, discovers she's one clone of many when she witnesses fellow clone Beth Childs commit suicide. I mean, whatever, it sounds crazy -- but it's also crazy good. Played by Tatiana Maslany, all of the clones are distinct in personality, tone and demeanor, but also how they present themselves to the world. Which brings us to the reason why we're all even here: They’re separated by their personalities, yes; but they’re separated by their distinct styles, too. And so, let’s rank these lovelies from best-dressed to I-wouldn’t-even-touch-it. 
 
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Sarah Manning: the baddest bitch.

 
Sarah
Smudged eyeliner, wayward peroxide streaks, Clash T-shirts and torn tights? Uh, sign me up. My number one clone fashion icon is definitely Sarah, right before she transforms herself into Beth. So basically, the first 10 minutes of the pilot. Sarah in general isn't too shabby either, but clearly being on the run generally gives you less time to perfect your whole IDGAF vibe. She's still the clone with the best hair.
 
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I mean it’s a good beanie, but a beanie won’t fool Kira.

 
Alison as Sarah
Alison's transformation into Sarah mostly involved a knit beanie, a leather jacket, and an exorbitant use of the word "Oi." But I am including swagger as a consideration here. Also, I know this might be lame, but Sarah is clearly my fave. The accent and Kira get me every single time, just meltin’ my heart. 
 
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Rest in peace, Katja— you were too well dressed for this mortal plane.

 
Katja
Faux fur is one of my favorite things, and in Katja's brief appearance, she was decked OUT. Also lumping in Sarah as Katja in here because between the two, they had a bit more screentime than a speaking extra. 
 
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Alison colorblocking, like a boss.

 
Alison
Alison is a bit... severe. But she colorblocks like a pro, and her bangs are always where they need to be. Also, she dressed like Holly Golightly for her frenemy's funeral, which takes real aplomb. 
 
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Come to think of it, blood is seestra’s greatest accessory

 
Helena
I don't know, you guys. Helena is clearly not the best dressed of the clones, but she can wear a blood soaked wedding nightie like no other. Certainly, that deserves some sort of praise. See also: her persistent parka and her fur-lined helmet. And yeah, she has a halo of over-processed Shakira hair, but I think she's kind of working it. 
 
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Oh hey, Rachel. I can see your ice cold veins from here.

 
Rachel
Rachel is one of those people who dress well, but there's no actual style beneath all the fashion. It doesn't take a genius to buy expensive clothes, girl. Also, your bob almost always looks slightly crooked, and I don't think that's a stylistic thing. Check your wig, boo!
 
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The makeup is right, at least. Well, besides the punk eyeliner.]

 
 
Sarah as Alison
God, Sarah -- stop dressing like your clones all the time. It’s a problem (it’s actually not at all a problem, I love it, please never stop). But really: this isn’t great. It’s just a poor carbon copy of the mastery of Alison’s very rigid, very specific styling. Also, that headband doesn’t make anybody think you’re having a bad bangs day.
 
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Not great. Not great at all.

 
Sarah as Cosima
Sarah as Cosima counts here because again, swagger is a huge consideration. And also Cosima dresses like a confused high schooler. She actually dresses like a better version of me in high school, which is not necessarily a good thing.
 
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Cosima is on her clone phone asking why nobody has told her she looks crazy.

 
 
Cosima
Cosima definitely has style, I just don’t know if it’s the best style. When outside of her labcoat, Cosima believes heartily in shades of red and she does manage some points for her omnipresent red coat. Also, her eyeliner, which is always crisp and on point. Obviously, this method took years to perfect, and I admire that kind of dedication. But otherwise she looks like a fancy, sparkly bag lady. I want better for you, C! No shade though, because in this fictional universe she has all the degrees and I appreciate that about her most. Also her ability to cough up blood but still be a general badass. 
 
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Aw, sad Beth.

 
Beth
For all intents and purposes, Beth was pretty basic. She had her reasons, I'm sure. Perhaps she was tired of the years and years of dealing with Big Dick Paul and his super dry personality. But from what I can tell, she dressed mostly like a person who has to get dressed, not wants to get dressed. May you rest in peace, dear child. 
 
Extra Credit: Cal
Lumberjack Eric Bana! You sure know how to wear a flannel. You get all the points, even if you are super shady. 
 
Extra Extra Credit: Felix
Duh. Besides, he’s everyone’s imaginary best friend. At least mine.