The other day, I was mindlessly surfing the Internet. No surprise there -- I spend a large chunk of almost every day online, and when I'm not working, some of those online hours are made up of, well, NOTHING. You know, that whole idle-submersion-in-faceless-others'-opinions-about-stuff-that-doesn't-matter thing. (Hey, when you don't drink, you'll take whatever form of mindless escape you can get, right?)
Anyway, I stumbled on a this story about a delectable-sounding new donut creation called -- wait for it -- "AMAZEBALLS." Ahhhhh! I can't decide whether I want to pack my bags for Australia immediately (because "Amazeballs are warmed donut balls filled with a choice of choc orange or apple cinnamon") or throw myself off the balcony, because I just can't. hear. The. Stupid. Non-word. "Amazeballs". One. More. Time.
It reminded me of all those other silly Internet witticisms that have somehow taken a flying leap from our touchscreens into the cultural lexicon; the weird little terms that, over time, have snowballed from being uttered only by hipster bloggers to being uttered -- embarrassingly -- by everybody and their grandma. Here are four of my least favorites. Tell me yours in the comments, OK?
Everyone has their own special stance on "selfies." Personally, I loathe this term with a fervent passion, though I'm not exactly sure why. It just sounds so goddamn CUTE. So precious and twee and overly faux-individualistic -- like a spesh little snowflakey-poo come to life. It's a word fit for teenagers; no one else. It makes me cringe every time I hear it, which sadly means I cringe a lot.
"I'M IN YOU"
I thought this vaguely pervy one was kind of funny for a minute. For a long minute, even, when a Facebook friend or a Twitter person would announce it in an update upon arriving in a new city: "Oh hello Brooklyn, I'm in you!," blah blah. Alas, that long minute of it being fun or quirky or cool is ... completely over now. Please, let's abort that mission.
I confess to having used this one occasionally. I've never SPOKEN it -- ugh, does anyone do that? that would be inappropriate, somehow; it's clearly more a word to be written but not uttered aloud -- but I've written it a couple times, in ill-advised moments of trying to be ... youthful or something. I'll admit that it kind of fills a void -- there are no other short, snappy words to convey your Twitter friends or followers. Though I guess you could say, um, "my Twitter followers." Instead of being all, "MY TWEEPLE!!!" Urgh. Anyway, I'm over it.
(This goes for the original version of this term -- "cray cray" -- too, of course.) This is another one I used for a while -- because who didn't? It started out so fresh! And light-hearted! And silly! Remember those good old days? When you first started hearing/seeing "cray cray" and it made you guffaw and slightly wince simultaneously, because it was just sooooooo blatantly dorky-trying-to-be-funny? Yet it just somehow ... WORKED? Yeah, that time is done.
So there you go -- I got the ball all nice and rolly for you. What Internet expressions annoy the living ass out of you, and why?
I'm on Twitter right here.