The other day, I was mindlessly surfing the Internet. No surprise there -- I spend a large chunk of almost every day online, and when I'm not working, some of those online hours are made up of, well, NOTHING. You know, that whole idle-submersion-in-faceless-others'-opinions-about-stuff-that-doesn't-matter thing. (Hey, when you don't drink, you'll take whatever form of mindless escape you can get, right?)
Anyway, I stumbled on a this story about a delectable-sounding new donut creation called -- wait for it -- "AMAZEBALLS." Ahhhhh! I can't decide whether I want to pack my bags for Australia immediately (because "Amazeballs are warmed donut balls filled with a choice of choc orange or apple cinnamon") or throw myself off the balcony, because I just can't. hear. The. Stupid. Non-word. "Amazeballs". One. More. Time.It reminded me of all those other silly Internet witticisms that have somehow taken a flying leap from our touchscreens into the cultural lexicon; the weird little terms that, over time, have snowballed from being uttered only by hipster bloggers to being uttered -- embarrassingly -- by everybody and their grandma. Here are four of my least favorites. Tell me yours in the comments, OK?"SELFIE"Everyone has their own special stance on "selfies." Personally, I loathe this term with a fervent passion, though I'm not exactly sure why. It just sounds so goddamn CUTE. So precious and twee and overly faux-individualistic -- like a spesh little snowflakey-poo come to life. It's a word fit for teenagers; no one else. It makes me cringe every time I hear it, which sadly means I cringe a lot."I'M IN YOU"I thought this vaguely pervy one was kind of funny for a minute. For a long minute, even, when a Facebook friend or a Twitter person would announce it in an update upon arriving in a new city: "Oh hello Brooklyn, I'm in you!," blah blah. Alas, that long minute of it being fun or quirky or cool is ... completely over now. Please, let's abort that mission. "TWEEPS"I confess to having used this one occasionally. I've never SPOKEN it -- ugh, does anyone do that? that would be inappropriate, somehow; it's clearly more a word to be written but not uttered aloud -- but I've written it a couple times, in ill-advised moments of trying to be ... youthful or something. I'll admit that it kind of fills a void -- there are no other short, snappy words to convey your Twitter friends or followers. Though I guess you could say, um, "my Twitter followers." Instead of being all, "MY TWEEPLE!!!" Urgh. Anyway, I'm over it. "CRAY"(This goes for the original version of this term -- "cray cray" -- too, of course.) This is another one I used for a while -- because who didn't? It started out so fresh! And light-hearted! And silly! Remember those good old days? When you first started hearing/seeing "cray cray" and it made you guffaw and slightly wince simultaneously, because it was just sooooooo blatantly dorky-trying-to-be-funny? Yet it just somehow ... WORKED? Yeah, that time is done. So there you go -- I got the ball all nice and rolly for you. What Internet expressions annoy the living ass out of you, and why?
I'm on Twitter right here.