If 'Pawn Stars' Just Kept Playing, I Would Literally Never Stop Watching It

How I became obsessed with the GREATEST SHOW EVER.

Jun 2, 2011 at 9:02am | Leave a comment

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You know those people who say they never watch TV, and you know it's because they're out attending free jazz concerts and bettering themselves and interacting with human friends over small, exotic versions of classic American foodstuffs?

I hate those jerks.

I LOVE TV. I love it so much, that when I read this article about how our TVs are going to start weighing us, my first thought was, "But...TV is my friend." Every night, my boyfriend and I come home, look at each other for a few minutes, then turn on the TV for a few hours before holding hands while we sleep. And we like it that way, and so does America, damnit. 

I come by it honestly -- my mom visited last weekend, and she kept the TV on HGTV for what felt like whole years. I have no interest at all in real estate or home repair or I don't know, crown moulding? But they do this thing on that channel where they make all the shows bleed together in a way that you never intentionally choose to watch one, but halfway through realize that you already are. So that was bad, but on Day 2, on DAY 2, she introduced me to "Pawn Stars," from here on known as the greatest show ever.

It's so simple! It goes like this, over and over and over again:

"I have this thing, I want to sell it."

"How much do you want for your thing?"

"I would like a lot of money."

"I will give you substantially less money than that."

"OK."

Amazing! Of course, occassionally Rick, the main guy who looks like 90% of the men I have let touch my boobies and also Michael Chiklis, will call in an expert to find out how much something is worth before offering the person with the thing substantially less money than that. It's basically "Antiques Roadshow" in Vegas.

There was a marathon that day, and even after watching like 10 hours of "Pawn Stars," I was still unable to let my boyfriend take us out to dinner until I found out HOW MUCH THE DAMN INDIAN VEST WAS GOING FOR.

That show got in my head so good that I had that weird sensation I used to get after playing video games for a long time, where you feel like you're still playing the game in real life. We were walking down the street and I saw a vintage car, and I thought, "I wonder how much they would get for that on 'Pawn Stars.'"

Anyway, it's a really good show, and since I promised to write about stuff I like, I thought I'd let you guys know about it.

Luckily, I hold the title of "Entertainment Director" in our home (my boyfriend holds the title of "Guy who does everything else except kill mice because the cat does that"), so I am in charge of programming our DVR, meaning I don't have to explain myself to no one, no how. PAWN STARS FOREVER.