8 Must-See Movies I Haven't Seen, To The Dismay Of Anyone I've Ever Told

Stop movie-shaming me!

Jun 20, 2014 at 9:00am | Leave a comment

I guess you could say I'm not a big "movie person."

I haven't been to the movies yet this year. Last year, I saw only one movie in the theater, and I really waited until the last minute to do that, seeing American Hustle in December. If I watch any movies at home, I'm probably stumbling upon them on cable when a Law & Order: SVU marathon isn't on because I don't have Netflix and I can't remember where I put my tiny, cheap-o DVD player when I moved into my apartment two years ago. My dad says I can use his HBO Go login, but...meh.

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I'm too busy not painting my walls to watch movies.

It's not that I don't have favorite movies -- I do! And many are what film buffs consider new and old classics: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless MindPee-Wee's Big AdventureMary Poppins, etc. But when the seemingly vast majority of people have declared a movie a must-see, I just don't feel an overwhelming urge to get it in front of my eyeballs.

This indifference has led to countless versions of the following conversation:

Friend, Acquaintance Or Person I Just Met At A Party: "[Popular quote from a popular movie]."

Me: "Huh?"

Friend, Acquaintance Or Person I Just Met At A Party: "You know, from [quoted movie]."

Me: "Oh, I haven't seen that."

Friend, Acquaintance Or Person I Just Met At A Party: "WHAT?! ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! I THINK I'M GOING TO THROW UP, MY DISBELIEF IS SO VISCERAL."

People get all sorts of exasperated when you say you haven't seen a movie widely considered a must-see. Don't movie-shame me, dammit!

Here are eight of the movies I've admitted to never seeing that have made people more or less run in a circle screaming incredulously until they pass out.

The Godfather

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"What is it with men and The Godfather?" - Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail, a non-must-see movie I've seen 20 times. Thanks, TBS!

Seriously, though, it is usually men that are taken aback when I say I haven't seen The Godfather. In fact, when I told my dad a few years ago, he managed to find an airing of The Godfather Saga, which combines The Godfather and The Godfather II (which I also haven't seen, obvies) into one weirdly compiled, super-long film. I fell asleep on the couch after 15 minutes.

Dirty Dancing

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Just as it's mostly men who lose their minds when I say I haven't seen The Godfather, it's mostly women who just wanna spit when I say I haven't seen Dirty Dancing. I was only eight years old when it came out, so I was too young to see it in the theater; but even then, the plot summary bored the hell out of me. A teenage girl develops a crush on a Catskill dance instructor? I cannot find it within myself to be riveted.

The Usual Suspects

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My ex-husband basically forbade me from seeing The Usual Suspects after VH1's I Love The 90s, assuming everyone had definitely seen it, revealed who Keyser Söze was. He said it was "ruined" for me. I didn't care either way, and I still don't.

Psycho

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Until a few months ago, I was one of those people who assumed the famous shower scene was the end of the movie. I now know it isn't, but not because I finally saw it. An angry Hitchcock fan put me in my place.

The Big Lebowski

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Of all the movies listed here, The Big Lebowski is my top priority. I think I'd genuinely enjoy it. I assume I'll finally see it the first time I go over to a hypothetical guy-I'm-dating's apartment, because this is on all of my OkCupid matches' lists of favorite movies.

Casablanca

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I might have not seen Casablanca yet, but I'm not above correcting people who misquote the line "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By.'" It's not "Play it again, Sam." Even I know that. Sheesh!

Braveheart

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When I was 17 (and a half), my high school boyfriend and I started watching Braveheart in his yin-yang-sticker-covered bedroom. After about 10 minutes, I was like, "OK, sure, this seems like the perfect moment to lose my virginity." The movie was still playing during the deflowering, but I don't think that counts as really seeing it. I also didn't count that as losing my virginity for a while because I made him stop pretty much immediately and also maybe because I realized how sad it was that Braveheart was playing while it was happening.

To Kill a Mockingbird

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I also haven't read the book. Don't book-shame me either!

How about you? Which must-see movies have you managed to avoid seeing?