Who else is not in NYC going to glamourous fashion shows and rubbing elbows with fancy people who are very fancy? Show of hands! You?! OK, that makes both of us. Who needs fashion week when I have a new video game and I'm wearing a shirt with an ice cream stain on it? I'd fill this article with sad face emoticons but I think those would get edited out, but let me assure you I'm making a sad face. Very sad.
We may not be at fashion week, but I have found us all sorts of fun diversions to mask our pain that we are not at fashion week. Like werewolves!
"The Last Werewolf" by Glen Duncan is just like Twilight, except with less vampires (who smell like "a vat of pigshit and rotten meat"), a Brett Easton Ellis gore-level and a pile of porno sex. This gorgeous, sprawling novel follows Jake Marlowe (The last werewolf) as he is stalked by vampires and the World Organisation for the Control of Occult Phenomena. It's a love story! An adventure story! A horror story! Actually, it's nothing like Twilight except it has vampires in it. And a werewolf (or two.) After reading this book, I've decided I now want to be a werewolf.
Last week I got to see Joe Wright's "Hanna" and I have now also decided I want to be a 16-year-old assassin with bleached blond eyebrows. Please do not dash my dreams by telling me I cannot be this. When I was 16, we never got the "bleach your eyebrows, become an assassin, kill guys to a soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers" option. At 16, the closest I got to being as badass as Hanna was piercing my nose in my best friend's bathroom and calling my poor Mom the B WORD in a fit of hormonal rage because she wouldn't let me keep my nose ring.
My other other (I'm just like Kanye, instead of my "other, other Benz" is replaced by "my other, other geek fun) fave thing this week is DEAD ISLAND. I wanted to write an IHTM about how I was a one-hit wonder rapper but then while I was performing my one-hit at a tropical resort everyone turned into zombies and I had to kill them with things I found like boat oars, but then I thought maybe it does not count as an IHTM because it only happened to me on a video game.
I keep dying in the game. I'm not so great at video games, but I'm having fun up until I die and even though I'm not really a rapper, please tell me I'm an excellent zombie killer.
So what are the rest of you doing and loving this week? I don't want to hear about anything more glamourous than rented movies, video games and books though.