I Love Taylor Swift Because She's A Total Crackpot

She may look like a cheerleader, but she’s a proper, hair-chewing, boy-crazy nut job, manically scribbling in her journal with a pink pen, dotting her i’s with hearts and day dreaming about that slightly geeky guy from her algebra class.
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Publish date:
January 11, 2013
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music, Taylor Swift, country music, the rules, Jackie Kennedy

I bloody love Taylor Swift. Not because I love her music (although I do), but because she’s a 100% authentic, solid gold crackpot weirdo, and she doesn’t even try to hide it.

Yesterday, Bitchbuzz talked about the Taylor Swift conundrum. Is she a feminist icon? She might be one of the most powerful women in music, but all she ever talks/sings/thinks about is boys, which isn’t very feminist, plus she said she’s not really a feminist. It’s all very confusing.

But even if The Swift isn’t a feminist (and lets face it, if you say you’re not one, you probably… not), I still think she’s an icon for our times, because Taylor Swift acts more like a real woman than any other female in the public eye I can think of.

She’s constantly getting chucked, she makes no effort to hide her inner keano, and she’s just a little bit hapless. Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and Nicky Minaj may all trade on being the 'weird' girls from high school made good, but really they’re the Prom Queens, The Mean Girls, The Queen Bees.

Taylor, on the other hand, may look like a cheerleader, but she’s a proper, hair chewing, boy crazy nut job, manically scribbling in her journal with a pink pen, dotting her i’s with hearts and day dreaming about that slightly geeky guy from her algebra class.

While Katy Perry’s dating and dropping guys like they’re hot potatoes, and Lady Gaga’s flashing her vag at the baying crowds like a trooper, Taylor Swift is sitting at home spelling out her name with Ryan Gosling’s trying to work out what percentage they love each other. Probably:

As an inadvertent Rules girl, I can confirm that Taylor has committed some cardinal sins over the years, but my absolute favourite, which would make her my relationship idol were I a different type of woman, was Conor Kennedy.

First, she started DRESSING LIKE JACKIE KENNEDY! Spectacular work Taylor – ingratiate yourself in with your current boyfriend’s family by dressing just like his dead great aunt (is that right? The Kennedy family tree is uber confusing).

You know when you fancy someone and you hear them say in passing that they hate girls wearing trousers so you ditch your favourite slacks and turn up to every event they might be at in some sort of floral Laura Ashley nightmare until you realise that he’s a total douchebag and move on? It’s just exactly like that, except bigger and better, because she’s Taylor Mo’Foing Swift.

Then, in a move of spectacular over-eagerness SHE BOUGHT A HOUSE DOWN THE ROAD FROM THE KENNEDY COMPOUND! It’s the squillionaire version of changing your route into work so that you might bump into the guy you’re sort-of seeing, only involving real estate and legal documents.

I love how, when Taylor Swift gets chucked again (possibly for using the internet to work out what her babies with Harry Styles would look like and then posting them to him, although this hasn’t been confirmed by the Swift camp), she doesn’t pretend to be cool and over it.

She cries, she gets upset and then she gets real mad. And what does Taylor Swift do when she’s mad? She writes a song about it!

It’s like angrily sending a drunken post break-up text and then regretting it, but with a recording studio and Grammys. It’s the equivalent of creepily standing outside of your ex’s house calling them 30 times not realising that they’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and can’t hear their phone. Which I have never done*.

But the best thing is, she doesn’t even bother trying to style it out, she’s more than happy to stick that song on her album, release it as a single, and then tell everyone who’ll listen exactly who it’s about.

I have a theory about Taylor (because I think we’re on first-name terms now). I think some of her hook-ups might, quite possibly, be totally contrived for the press. But despite this, she falls in love with them anyway.

I keep picturing the following exchange between Taylor and her manager:

Manager: “Ok, Taylor, for the next couple of months, we’re going to pretend that you’re seeing Harry Styles. Just go to a few restaurants together, and we’ll arrange to have him papped coming in and out of your hotel room a couple of times in one week. The press will love it.

“But Taylor, you have to remember this time, it’s not actually real. Harry Styles is currently questioning his sexuality and wants a break after all that Caroline Flack business. So, whatever you do. Do. Not. Fall. In. Love. With. Him.

“This is not a real relationship, he is not the future father of your child, he is not the man who understands you, the real you, like no other. Do you understand?”

Taylor: “I guess so.”

Manager: “Ok great, Taylor – let me introduce you to Harry.”

Taylor: “Oh my god, you’re amazing. We’ve only just met, but already I feel like you understand me, the real me, like no other.”

Harry to manager: “I’m not sure I want to do this any more.”

Manager: “Just stick with it – if she gets too much, distract her by buying her a puppy, She loves that.”

So that’s why I love Taylor Swift. She’s may not have blue hair, or be shooting flames out of her bra. She might look like a virginal cheerleader and only sing about boys, but I don’t think an ounce of her persona is contrived. She’s 100% authentic.

Because lets face it - no-one, in a million years could make that shit up.

*I may have done this once.

How much do you love Taylor Swift? Let me hear the ways @rebecca_hol.