11 Important Lessons About Life That I Learned By Watching "Clueless"

Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good!

Jul 22, 2013 at 6:00pm | Leave a comment

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Clueless just turned 18. After the initial sting of realizing just how old that makes me, I took a moment to reflect on how much the film influenced my life and aspirations.
 
I saw you roll your eyes, do not roll your eyes! Aside from being incredibly witty and well-written (two things I aspire to daily), Clueless has themes and lessons hidden within the folds of its designer laundry that I still put into practice today. Allow me to explain:
 
Cher doesn't date high school boys. And neither did I. In my opinion, serious dating shouldn't happen until way down the line, when you have a better understanding of who you are, what you want, and how you should be treated. High school is for holding hands in the movies. Or at least it was for me, thank goodness. Raise your hand if you're proud to have been a "late bloomer". 
 
Gents, you may also want to rewatch the scene where Cher describes, nose upturned, the fashion sense of teenage boys. The disparity between male grooming importance and female grooming importance has diminished in size over the last 18 years, and I think we have Cher to thank. A little. 
 
Do a lap before you commit to a location. Always consider the options. Over the years, I've had many (count: 5) opportunities to move across the country. I've taken them all. Getting a feel for different cities and environments has taught me so much about where I want to spend my time, raise my family, and work. On a smaller scale, this is also totally how I make my plans for the weekend.  
 
We should do something good for mankind or the planet for a couple of hours. Obviously. It's not my mom, my grandfather, or my boss telling me I should volunteer. It's me. I have an intrinsic need (often admittedly unfulfilled), to give my time to others who need it. This cinematic moment dispelled Cher's shallowness in a funny and relatable way. 
 
It's my hips, isn't it? And if it is, he can move right along. Look at alllll the cares I give. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go get french fries with my besties. 
 
It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it's quite another to be fried all day. Such a key distinction. The fine line between recreational drug use and dependency is not often addressed in teen movies. I love that the dialogue here addresses it in a really relatable and not authoritative way. 
 
This is an Alaia. Clothes matter. Particularly when they're going to be priceless vintage items later in life. I still stalk eBay for that dress she wore (and was robbed in), and I will never give up my search. It was this moment that made me realize that not all fashion brands are created equal. 
 
Old people can be so sweet! I don't need to explain this one. 
 
Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry. Love this little chat about virginity and how saving it for someone special is wise and not at all prudish. Again, with the late bloomer thing, I was the last of all my college friends to give it up, and I am glad I waited (and waited). Even if it didn't go down the "perfect" way, it certainly didn't happen because all my friends in high school were doing it. Thanks Cher. 
 
When your allergies act up, take out your nose ring. A rare exception to the beauty-is-pain rule, medical conditions can sometimes interfere in my sartorial preferences. It's okay to give in every once in awhile. Case in point, I have weird feet and can't wear heels unless I'm going from a cab, to a fancy dinner, to back in a cab, to my couch. 
 
Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good. A tried and true flirtation tactic that bears repeating today. I should probably go throw away all of my chewed up pens though. 
 
He does like to shop Cher. And the boy can dress. My gay friends are fantastic, and handsome, and well mannered. They frustrate me immensely, and I often find myself muttering "water water everywhere and not a drop to drink" while a hedge fund manager in an ill fitting suit hits on me during happy hour. They are some of my best friends. Just because I can't date them (sigh), doesn't mean I can't love them. 
 
I object. Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies? Don't let anyone fuck with your reputation.