I truly believe that seeing Dolly Parton live would be very close to a religious experience, but the closest I've ever gotten was a trip to Dollywood when I was eight years old. That's all going to change though, because Dolly is going on tour, and plans to hit up over 60 North American cities (exact dates have not yet been announced, but consider this your formal warning to pay attention):
Dolly Parton is set to bring her boundless energy to stages in over 60 cities as she embarks on her first major U.S. and Canadian tour in more than 25 years. For the last 20 years, Parton has only played select dates in the U.S., but her 2016 tour will cover cities across North America. As one of the hottest concert tickets of the summer, Parton’s legion of fans are destined to sell out the shows quickly. Parton’s set-list will include hit songs all while weaving in a few new songs from her double-disc album Pure & Simple with Dolly's Biggest Hits. She will also be playing songs that have not been heard live for decades.
If this news does not warm the cockles of your cold heart, I want to know who hurt you, because this news is joyous, and I wish to spread the good word. (Quick side question: Are there any medical professionals in the comments who can tell me where the cockles of the heart are located, anatomically speaking?) But seriously though, how can you not love this woman?
Beyond her musical contribution, which is vast, my favorite thing about Dolly is her ability to not take herself to seriously (something I struggle with), and her unapologetic commitment to her look (something I don't even know how to approach).
As with any other time an artist I love announces a tour, this news has sent me down a rhinestone-encrusted internet spiral, and I would like to talk songs with you. I want to hear all about your favorites — here are mine.
Yeah, I know I'm starting this journey in Obviousville, USA, but can you blame me? This song is actually perfect, as is Ms. Parton's lilac eyeshadow.
"Gypsy, Joe and Me"
I love a sad song, and songs about dead dogs (and boyfriends, I guess) are the saddest.
"Just Because I'm a Woman"
This anti-slut shaming song fought slut shaming before we even had a term for it. (Also: LOL at the dude not clapping at the end. Why you mad, bro?)
"I'll Oilwells Love You"
Surprisingly, this is not set to the melody of the uber-famous "I Will Always Love You." It's a completely different (hilarious) little tune, with the type of self-aware wit that makes me fall in love with Parton all over again.
"Put it Off Until Tomorrow"
I've always loved this song, but recent life events have made it more poignant, which makes me appreciate it all that much more. It's hard to capture the desperation one feels at the end of a relationship without making it sound pathetic and desperate, and Dolly somehow pulls it off.
Now you show me yours!
Also, in addition to gabbing about the musical gifts Queen Parton has bestowed upon us, can we also talk about the rumor that she has a bunch of tattoos? I love that rumor, and desperately want it to be true.