I was so nude when I took this photograph.
I've been looking for an opportunity to resurrect the old Thank God My Friend's Book Doesn't Suck tag on xojane, but it's been a problem.
First, because I don't have many friends, and second, because the ones I do have haven't aren't really doing a whole lot in the way of publishing, what with having lame day jobs and night interests. If I were a university with tenure, you would all be fired. Write more books, you dicks.Thankfully, my friend Dave Hill wrote a book while the rest of those slouches were off watching Housewives or whatever. It is called "Tasteful Nudes" and not only does it not suck, it is so funny that I kind of don't even want to be friends with Dave anymore.Dave is a writer-performer type (if you have not seen his Funny or Die video from the New York Boat Show, please remedy immediately) and, like many a comic essayist before him, is also a regular "This American Life" contributor … albeit probably the only one to write about his sexual interlude with a Japanese toilet.
There's an old quote about good stories happening to people who can tell them well, and Dave really does a number on the story of his residency in the Chelsea Hotel, where he formed a "Milo and Otis"-esque bond with a mean elderly lesbian. He also chronicles doing standup at Sing Sing, driving a pedicab, and his accidental date with a high-priced call girl. It is all gold, so much so that I kind of wanted to "Single White Female" Dave after reading it. That is to say, get a similar haircut and eventually make an attempt on his life. In all seriousness, I read a Really Impressive Number of Books(TM), and this is the so-funny-you-resent-him-est one in recent memory. I would tell you to take "Tasteful Nudes" to the beach with you this summer, were I not concerned you would laugh aloud so heartily that you fall right the fuck off your on your chaise longue. Also, again, very resentful of Dave over here.
I guess buy the book if you don't have any kind of visible skin condition but would still like people to scoot away from you on the subway because you are doing that creepy giggle of yours. It's on Amazon or whatever.