Beyonce Gets a Haircut, the Entire Internet Promptly Loses Its Sh*t

How dare she fail to run that new blonde pixie cut by us first?!

Aug 8, 2013 at 7:00pm | Leave a comment

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Beyonce's earth-shatteringly controversial new haircut (via Instagram).


BREAKING NEWS ALERT (just in case you've been enjoying this fine summer day at a remote beach or off in a mountain cabin far, far away from the Internet): Beyonce SHOCKED THE ENTIRE PLANET late last night when she debuted a newly shorn blonde pixie cut for her 5.5 million Instagram followers.

Seriously, you guys, the WORLD WENT WILD(!!1!!) in collectively cursing, jeering and exclaiming about the loss of Bey's legendary long hair. It's really pretty silly, actually, how much everyone seems to care. (Calm down, people. It's just … hair.)

Regardless, B's haircut was one of the top trending terms on a bunch of different websites today (including Twitter, of course). Which isn't so strange -- we Americans clearly looooove our celebrities and our obsessive, dysfunctional, delusional faux relationships with them. Thus, we haaaaaate when our beloved superstar deities fail to run their MOST CRUCIAL, INTIMATE LIFE CHOICES past us for our approval first. (How dare she?!)

So everyone and their sister collectively decided it was an ideal time to begin spouting off unsolicited opinions on Beyonce's new hairdo.

The Daily Beast seemed bewildered -- a bit unsure how to cope with the shock. To help make sense of it all, they turned to an L.A. hairstylist "who curled the tresses of Beyonce's former band mate Kelly Rowland and Queen Latifah" (FYI: "tresses" is their word, decidedly NOT OURS! Repeat: NOT OURS!), who crowed: "I'm kinda shocked … That lion’s mane made her the baddest chick on the block."

Thanks for the commentary, anonymous L.A. stylist. How else did media peeps react? Business Insider's staff must be wearing black today, because they encouraged their readers to treat the haircut like a funeral: "Take a moment to remember Beyonce's longer locks, may they rest in peace."

ESSENCE polled its readers on their reactions to the chop, but first reminded them that "she's a grown woman! And Beyonce will do whatever she wants." As it turned out, per the poll, 44 percent of readers thought the cut was "fierce," 24 percent said they'd "miss the long locks," and 32 percent said they were "indifferent -- she'll be amazing either way." (Uh, don't you mean she already IS amazing either way?) ESSENCE's commenters gave Bey's hair high marks (as one user wrote, "Stop the press honey! I had always wondered what Beyonce would look like with a short cut, and now we know! She could not be more beautiful").

For their part, the International Business Times reminded us that "this is not the first time Beyoncé has sported a short 'do. Back in 2008, the singer showed off a honey blonde 'do that was just a bit longer than her new haircut ... it was just a wig, and she immediately went back to her longer locks."

Celebrities took to Twitter to freak out about the hair. Wiz Khalifa, that joker, wrote, "Randomly, I think Lady Gaga is super cool. Oh and i like Beyonce's hair." Ellen DeGeneres posted, "If you had trouble telling me and @Beyonce apart before…" Lena Dunham: "I feel like Beyonce is having a very different experience of short hair than I am #bowdown." And one-hit-wonder teen "singer" Rebecca Black had a stern two words for the star, simply tweeting, "BEYONCE NO."

Personally? I like the cut and think B looks gorgeous as usual (no idea how she'd manage to ever NOT look gorgeous; that seems pretty much impossible, no?). It takes balls to cut your hair that short, and Beyonce's got some. I do think it's ridiculous how worked up everyone got about it, but hey, I guess I'm just as bad, since I'm here posting about the melee, myself.

So. What do we think of the cut? Does it make you want to run out and CHOP?