Literary: Cheryl Cole
I've been a fully paid-up member of Team Cheryl following her divorce from professional scumbag footballer Ashley Cole.
Apart from being a massive shagger, he also sent naked pictures of himself to numerous women, and allegedly got so hammered that he threw up during one…amorous session. What. A. Catch.
So disgusted was I by his behaviour, that at my last website I started a campaign to find her a nice new young man. Both Ross Kemp and Peter Andre were mooted as suggestions.
Anyway, despite putting on an excellent performance as the world's biggest douche canoe (a phrase I've stolen from Nikki Bayley), he's suddenly gone all shy, stopping his ex-wife from revealing any juicy details about their relationship in her upcoming book, which is due to be released in October.
A source told The People: 'Cheryl won't be writing much at all about her marriage.
'She will be penning her opinions about her and Ashley but there will be no more sordid revelations. Her fans might have been hoping for some real fireworks and her laying into Ashley but it won't be happening.'
Which means that we'll be left reading about the time Cheryl and Nadine fell out over who had the best hair extensions, and the time that Simon Cowell let Cheryl sit next to him on the X Factor judging panel, and Dannii was like so mad, she almost emoted.
Exciting! Also, who should Cheryl go out with next? Personally, I still think Peter Andre's a goer...