25 Things That Make Me So Happy I Want To Pee My Pants

Since one of our friends here at xoJane is having a Bad Week, I'm starting the list anew, and hoping you all will deign to contribute.

Apr 4, 2013 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

My older sister is my best friend in the whole world. But this was not always the case, particularly in high school, when we regularly got into fights that ended up with stuff being thrown at my head. 
This was the case for a lot of siblings, I know. But I think in our case, it was mostly because my sister was not a happy teenager. When we hang out now, sometimes, over one of our cherished 8,000 pinot grigio dinners, we talk about whether or not this was due to depression, or the fact that she was determined to take every single AP class and be the lead in every school play, or whether or not she was just a big huge mega bitch. Depends how I'm feeling. And how much of the 'greej I've been into.
Regardless, when we were probably 14 and 16, I discovered a document she'd written on our family's ancient beige PC entitled "25 Things That Make Me So Happy I Want to Pee My Pants." If memory serves, it was written in red comic sans, and included items like "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill in the car with the windows down," "dogs with one ear that stays up and one that flops down," and "a hot bagel with cold cream cheese." 
The purpose of this list, ostensibly, was to remind her that there were many, nay, infinite things that she loved in the world. This, from a person whose idea of civility was waiting until 9 AM to punch me in the head for the first time in the day.
Of course I was shocked. One, because I didn't know my sister was what I would have referred to at the time as "a huge gaylord*," but two, I didn't know she was capable of happiness, let alone incontinence-inducing joy. It surprised me and delighted me and sort of weirded me out, especially since I mostly used my computer to download dirty JPEGs from America Online and write "X-Files" fan fiction. 
But, in all honesty, it changed my relationship with my sister. And to this day, occasionally, she and I will still text each other things we want to add to the list, like, as I said, huge gaylords**.
Since one of our friends here at xoJane is having a Bad Week, I'm starting the list anew, and hoping you all will deign to contribute.
In no particular order, 25+ things that make me so happy I'd like to piss myself, which are accessible to you right now. Or something.
Shelley Long movies
Funnel cake smell
Dancing to David Bowie's "Changes"
Videos of pigs running
Jennifer Connelly's eyebrows
Movies where there's a huge shootout and somebody shoots one of those, like, big fucking aquariums
Heated towel racks
Geriatric pugs
Looking at my "most recently used" emoji
How good your eyebrows look right after you wax them
The "Anne of Green Gables" miniseries even though I cry like a puss when Matthew dies
Crying like a pussy when Matthew dies
The fact that fajitas are always served on sizzling platter, ALWAYS
Old ladies with their hair dyed crazy colors because they DGAF
That first day in the spring where all the hot girls are wearing sun dresses
Fresh mint
When you get to a restaurant and you're STARVING and they bring bread and it's gooooood
"Sister Act"
Shower radios
Group texting with your best friends when one of them is asleep
Old people who own antique stores because they've always wanted to own an antique store
News photographs of newly gay married couples kissing 
Russian accents
The fact that there is a British MP named Ed Balls
Grilled cheese sandwiches
Captain Picard
James Spader
Peter Dinklage
San Francisco
Terrible magicians
"The X-Files"
Beach houses
Beach house
Anything and everything about or involving Frida Kahlo
That thing where Christopher Walken is in on the joke of how awesome Christopher Walken is
Sexy fat women in sexy bikinis
Guys with pretty eyelashes 
Fuck, I'll say it: "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack
The fact that artificial watermelon tastes and smells nothing like real watermelon but we all just kind of go with it
Lorrie Moore
Emma Stone
Emily McCombs
Ed Balls
New panties
When you have sex with a guy and right afterwards he's like, "Are you hungry?" 
Karaoking anything by the Cranberries
The Cranberries
When the Cranberries are on my shower radio
Jelly shoes
High dives
Dip cones
"Broadcast News"
Now you go. GO.
*I'm grownup now and know that this is bad to say. But you know what else makes me happy? The idea of actual gay lords. They exist, I'm sure of it. Anyhow, Ed Balls.