It's basically SAW: Beauty Edition.
You guys! DIY is back in full force! So I have some fun lil’ projects for you chicas and chicos to try out at home. Be warned! They are rough around the edges, unapologetically hardcore, and all around BAMF; this ain’t no Pinterest shit, son!
Just kidding. It’s just a quick distressing tutorial and some falsie nail tips.
SO ARE WE AMPED YET, HMMMM? WHY AM I YELL-WRITING?!
I started getting all craft-fiend-y again! I’ve bought more bleach, hoarded more faux fur, purchased more impractical textiles, and, obviously, nearly drowned in pretty, pretty beads.
So expect more crafts in the near future, my lovelies!
Here’s my first creation:
I can’t say for sure (except it’s one hundred percent for sure, I’m just kind of embarrassed) that this was inspired by the endlessly enchanting facet of teenage Americana pop culture known as “spring break,” but I will say that I can imagine some bombshell bikini babes wearing this as a beer-soaked suit cover during a quick burrito run in between bong hits and butt-chugging. If I understand correctly, that’s pretty much the premise of Harmony’s "Spring Breakers," right?
P.S. Despite the controversy surrounding this Selena Gomez pout show, I will defend "Kids," every time. It was culturally responsive, OK? Don’t knock it just because it disturbed the ever-living shit out of you!
Anywho, here’s what I used to get those drizzly, pink bleach stains and the emblematic, apathetic “whatever” emblazoned on the back.
STEP ONE: Find a rusty, old, serrated knife. I’m kidding! It doesn’t have to be old.
STEP TWO: Find a surface to drape your sweater (or any article of clothing) over. There should only be one layer of cloth against the surface. You also need to make sure that the surface is dispensable, because you will scratch it up immediately.
STEP THREE: Drag the serrated edge across the fabric, over and over, in quick, short, forceful cuts. It sounds like I’m viciously condoning murdering something… let the sweater be a metaphor for THE PATRIARCHY! That should put some vigor in your work. Be safe, though, ok?
STEP FOUR: Fray the tears with your fingers to add texture and varying degrees of distress to your piece.
STEP FIVE: Cut off the arms, like I did. A sweatshirt with no arms makes you look so much scrappier, which I can appreciate.
STEP SIX: Get ‘cho bleach, and mix in 2 parts water to one part bleach. Use latex gloves to cup the concoction, then drizzle it over your article of clothing. Mine turned pink because I used minimal beach on colored fabric, and I didn’t let it soak.
STEP SEVEN: To get that “whatever,” I just dipped a Q-tip in the bleach water and carefully traced the phrase, very slowly (so as not to spill and ruin my important message, of course).
And there you have it! Grungy, distressed sweats! Or jeans! Or anything, really!
NOW, ONTO THE NAILS:
All you really need to get this pointed nail look is a heavy-duty nail file, a base coat, and some patience.
I used one of those looks-like-a-novelty-gag-gift nail files to whittle my nails down, but even that took me about an hour.
I would suggest finding some sort of fancy-shmancy filing technology, like this cheapo Kiss Power File. It’s meant to upkeep acrylic nails in between glamorous nail salon appointments. And you know it has to work, because this baby is battery operated.
Essentially, it’s like the Swiss army knife of nail care. It has removable heads and every tool from a barrel file to polishing unit. Granted, the thing runs out of batteries quickly and it maybe lacks in power compared to pro-tools, BUT IT’S 10 BUCKS! Quit complainin’, imaginary complainers!
Or, if that's too much for you (and, let's face it, it's a little much for me), try crystal nail files! They last way longer, and they're pretty cheap! Like this set of Cheeky nail files from Amazon.
Also, before you glue those puppies onto your nails, use a base coat. It adds a protective layer to your precious nails. Also, I would only use a dab of glue. False nails are not meant to be worn for more than a few days, unless they have been applied professionally.
Cool tip: If you’re struggling to get them off after a few days, soak a paper towel in acetone, wrap sections of the towel around your nails, and cover them with tin foil. It locks in the fumes of the acetone and it helps loosen the falsies’ grip on your real nails. They’ll pop right off!
And here I am in my "menacing prom queen mode," because, really, what other mode is there on the weekends? None that matter.
Would you lovely dudes and dudettes rock these DIYs? Is it ok for me to wear that makeup in the daylight? Answer my questions, show me some love. Or hate, whatever! It's a free country!