SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT: How to Look Like a Cracked-Out Cheerleader

Aug 14, 2012 at 9:30am | Leave a comment

I’ve been on a teen angst KICK lately, people. The 90s throwback got me stuck in an Angela-Chase-ridden daydream about unrequited teen love, rowdy football games, flippant dance team girls and that stupid dance I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO GO TO ANYWAY, GOD.

So what did I do? I headed to an empty high school football stadium for the most openly angsty photo-shoot ever. Obviously.

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BUT FIRST. What things will you need to channel a similarly reinterpreted ironic teen dream look?! A letterman jacket or other vintage high school garb, some sickening Doc Martens or otherwise clunky-ass shoes, some creepy hand-made corsages and the PERFECT high ponytail. Let us begin!

First: THE JACKET.

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I’ll only ever be seen at an EMPTY football stadium

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Second letterman jacket swagger. I’m finally a cool kid, mom!

So I have not one but TWO letterman jackets at my disposal because, confession time: I date a jock.

The problem is that awesome, vintage letterman jackets are going for over 100 bucks on Etsy right now.

So, if you have lettermans and you’re scrapped for cash, I suggest forgetting this idea and selling the crap out of them to weirdos on the internet. Nostalgia-shmalgia, am I right?! And now I’m discrediting the whole point of my post. I’m the worst! Let’s keep going.

Ebay has way cheaper faux-vintage stuff but, beware. The supreme lack of wear and tear on these jackets kind of takes away from the creepy, throwback ambiance of this whole style. You’ve got to scratch up those leather sleeves, spill beer on the itchy cotton front, and piss your parents off, yeah!

Second: THE SHOES.

To pull off this look you’re going to need some aggressive shoes to offset the pep of a freaking LETTERMAN JACKET. The whole point of high school nostalgia is channeling that hate-love relationship with the whole thing. Swoon. Scowl. So get cho’ clunky shoes on guys and gals!

Here are some real Docs at Urban that sell for 300 bucks if you’ve got it like that (SPOILER ALERT: I do not):

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And here’s the Dirty Laundry brand that I’m wearing in the photo shoot.

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They’re much more affordable! And they can be just as off-putting as those Docs if you stud them yourself. So angry! So cheap! Very punk.

Third: CORSAGES. Yes, you read that right, CORSAGES.

So, you know how I like crafting a lot? Well, incidentally, I have tons of pearls, flowers and trinkets left over from my Harajuku nail art fiasco. So, I artfully super glued those things onto elastic bands and PRESTO: simplified corsages. Check ‘em out, y’all!

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They look like quirky bracelets more than corsages, but when paired with the jacket they totally give off the jaded, back-to-school vibe I’m going for. Especially that gloom and doom black rose corsage I made. I WISH I had the balls to wear a black rose corsage to a high school dance. And that Regina George "G" charm? I bought that the day I saw Mean Girls in theaters. Literally THE SAME DAY. She peer pressured me through the screen, you guys!

Finally: The PERFECT high ponytail.

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Luckily for me, I figured out how to perfect the high ponytail by throwing some braids in there for texture that DISTRACTS from the general greasiness of my hair lifestyle. I made a little video to show you just how quick and easy this is to execute.
You can do it without even looking! In SECONDS! Perfection.

SEE! I can’t get over how easy that ponytail is. 

And there you have it, citizens of the internet.Next on my fashion tutorial list is something totally different. Something -- hold your breath -- CLEOPATRA inspired, y’all. Tweet at me with any further suggestions or tutorials you’re dying to see me execute ever so spastically @xoGabiRivera.