BUT you are not allowed to come (honor system) unless you weigh in about one important topic. I'm going to need your help. I'm not certain what to wear, or how to get my makeup did, or how to ask my amazing hairdresser Justin at Bloom Beauty Lounge to do mah hurrr. I should've chosen this week to go in and meet my virtual colleagues at XOJane, because they've got like a zillion combined years of beauty expertise, but I didn't think that far in advance. So now I'm freaking out. Welcome to my neurosis.
OK, first up, I'm pretty committed to this owl ring. It makes me think of wisdom and nerditude and Owl from Winnie the Pooh, who was always chilling in that treehouse and having tea or whatever the fuck it is anthropomorphic owls do. I'm not sure I used anthropomorphic correctly in that sentence but I'm too jittery-jazzed to look it up.
I'm considering this leopard-print dress, because I'm super-Jersey and it's in my blood. Am also considering this hair, although I think I look like I'm trying to jack Julie Klausner's hairstyle, which is totally fine because she's hot as shit and her hair is amazing. It looks great on her but I don't know if it looks right on me. Does it?
Now, as for outerwear: do I go with this houndstooth coat? (That's my brother, the nursing student -- he won't be there tonight, which pisses me off because I wanted to fix one of you up with him, but he has some test of his skills to save lives or whatever. GOD.)
OR do I go with this sturdy H&M trench that I've had since I worked for MTV News and thought I needed to look like a "real" reporter (i.e., Kermit the Frog) on camera?
Now this next option is controversial. This chapeau is from Fleur de Paris in New Orleans, and I wore it to my best friend's wedding (more on her later.) Is it too wacky? Or would it look cute, maybe not with the leopard print dress but with something else?
Speaking of that best friend o'mine, Katy, she's flying in from Houston to get her hair did with me at the salon today, and then she's going to meet all my New York City friends and, possibly, YOU! (If you give advice in the comments, which is basically your ticket to my party.)
Isn't she beautiful? She sent me a love sonnet by Shakespeare for Valentine's Day. Such is the nature of our gay love. And I showed her this interview in USA Today and she cried. She's also in the book because she basically saved my life when I was 21, no big deal, so it's fitting she should be at the book party.
And here's a photo of me from Katherine's recent wedding, which was perfect and relaxed and drunken, with my hair did kinda Amy Winehouse-style. Should I do this hair instead of the Klausnerian hair above?
Now, another dress possibility is the LBD. (I probably won't wear the crown.)
And yet another dress possibility is this tittified creation, which I wore to Katherine's wedding. Like Julieanne, I am blursed (that's a blessing and a curse) with an overabundance of mammary glands. Hers are still bigger than mine, which is just one of the reasons I look up to her.
Alright, that's about it. If you have links to cute dresses I could pick up at H&M or something today, let me know. And remember, if you leave a comment, you can come to the party and drown yourself in beer, wine, champagne cocktails and friendship. ZOMG meeting IRL! It could happen! Come out and get yourself a copy of "Agorafabulous!: Dispatches From My Bedroom"!
But seriously. What to wear. Help me, XOJane family. You're my only hope.