‘Sup losers! (Just kidding, love you guys.)
As you may or may not know, I am xoJane’s resident photographer extraordinaire (as well as being an editorial assistant). I took these, and these, and this one, for instance. Also, I have incredible style and have been endorsed by many a fashion babe on this site, so listen to me when I tell you I’m into clothes that are absolutely insane-looking because they are awesome and I am a psychic and they will be all over Midwestern prom in like five years so get it while it's still HOT, snatches. (Please don’t hate me, I just want you to like me.)
Okay, so back to me being a photographer (ME ME ME). I love pictures because they are beautiful (most of the time) and honest (almost never, actually) and I especially like that they are confined to a neat two-dimensional frame.
OKAY. Let’s start slow.
Space is super cool. I like the Purple Round Neck Galaxy Shirt because it can make any outfit you are wearing look tons cooler. Wear this bad boy with some black jeans and turn your grocery shopping trip into a major suburban acid trip and make all the bag boys feel weird because they actually ARE super stoned.
Not so into space? Lets go back to earth and shimmy all up in this Paris At Night dress.
This one is super short and the model looks a little strung out (hang in there, girl.) I love love love how tacky it is. I die for the supersaturated it's-a-Saturday-night-somewhere-in-Europe-and-the-street-is-wet-with-vomit look.
Swans kissing my inner thighs? Get at me.
I like this one because this is what I would probably look like at the party I would inevitably wear it to. Yawning and bored.
Not into bodycon? That's cool, sometimes sitting with your top button undone and your tummy all chilling and jiggly is what you have to do to get through brunch or a Herzog movie. How about you look super chic while you do it?
Back to bodycon because I love the sex.
Oh, HAY, girl. Not only do I love this dress because of the kaleidoscope tripping balls image on the dress (back AND front, mind you), dresses with those short collars are super sexy, I think. Pair that with some freaky earrings (or just one) and you have a psychotic sex machine dress.
Well, this is pretty offensive. I’m not sure how I feel about putting atomic bomb clouds on dresses. Oh wait, I am: it grosses me out and I think it's dumb and annoying. Sorry to leave you with this gross taste in your mouth, but it's important to remember that fashion can also be really stupid sometimes.
Okay, that's all for now, I need to get back to my REAL job and email freelancers and take pictures of Emily and fight with Madeline (just kidding, we never fight).
Does my fashion advice even MATTER? Let me know what you think in the comments. The more WOOHOOs I get, the more they loosen the chains that attach me to my desk chair.
Follow me on Instagram and Twitter because my name is the same on both and it is easy to remember: @BlackOlive15.