I don’t watch much TV. When I do, it’s usually gruesome true crime shows like The First 48. Besides murder, I love to watch random infomercials. I have never ordered anything from one, even though Mr. T tempted me with his Nu-Wave Oven.
I’d buy Alaska if Mr. T was selling it. I met Mr. T once, he was in a Busta Rhymes video I worked on. He was wearing a gold plate, fork, knife and spoon chain necklace. When I asked him about it, he said to me: “I’m tryin’ to tell Hollywood that Mr. T wants to do lunch!”
The Pajama Jean finally got to me. The commercials are so scream-worthy that I decided to order a pair and see if there was any way I could actually wear them out of the house. Do I love “stylish, sexy jeans" crossed with “soft comfy pajama bottoms”? Actually, I just love any F-ed up thing that ‘fashionistas’ are horrified by.
For the record, I ordered the Pajama Jeans with my own credit card and waited for them to be delivered like a normal person. I did not get them for free. Once I got on the Pajama Jean website, I realized that there is a skinny cut option. Thank the maker, as the "stylish boot cut" looks like a real horror show.
My instant thought was "Man, are these dumb things way overpriced." $40 PLUS shipping? They sell them at my local CVS pharmacy of course, where all fashionable clothes are sold, but they don’t carry the skinny cut. So I ordered mine online and waited the 3 weeks for them to arrive.
Before the Pajama Jean website would let me finalize my order, I had to click through 6 additional offers they were “SURE I’D LOVE”: The Wonder Hanger, The Total Pillow, something called "My Booty Belt," The Ahhhh Bra, The Clever Clasp (which I actually own and use), and my new crush, The SlobStopper.
While waiting for the Pajama Jeans to arrive, I started to sour on the experiment. I told a few of my fellow Costume Designer peeps about my idea and they all laughed at me. I started to doubt my ability to make ANYTHING work (horrendous paraphrasing of Tim Gunn).
I didn’t feel any better about my plan when I opened the package. Not only are the Pajama Jeans limp and gruesome right out of the box, they also come with a hideous shapeless FREE GREY CREW NECK TEE.
I was afraid that I would have to do some alterations to even be able to wear them for a photograph, but then I decided that they weren’t so bad. Wait, maybe they were. Judge for yourself:
I thought maybe the Pajama Jeans just needed some sex appeal to make them wearable. So I tucked them into some knee-high stiletto boots. It sort of helped, but nothing could help my ass, as the pockets are placed too low on the butt and therefore look dumpy.
Also, the Pajama Jeans are very bunchy through the leg and at the knee, so they scrunched up unflatteringly at the top of my boots. This made me sad, as the commercial promised they would fit me like a ‘sexy second skin’. There was just too much extra fabric for this to be true. I think I should have ordered a full size smaller than I normally wear, then maybe they would have actually fit like proper skinny jeans.
I purposely wore the Pajama Jeans with my own grey crew neck tee, pretty much like the one they came with, except mine fits me and has an owl on it. I was trying to be as true to the advertised look as possible.
I did add a big necklace to this outfit to hopefully draw your eyes upwards and away from the strangely square, boxy hip area that the Pajama Jeans created on me.
The original plan was to go out to dinner wearing the Pajama Jeans, but let me be clear, I am way too vain. Plus, what was I going to do? Loom over other diners and ask "DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING STRANGE ABOUT MY OUTFIT?" I always think people are paying way more attention to me than they really are.
The Pajama Jeans actually looked a little better with just a plain tank top and some simple ballet flats. If I was to wear the Pajama Jeans outside of my house, (yeah right-never gonna happen) it would be on an airplane for an overnight flight. That way it would be dark, and nobody would notice that the fake zipper placket of the Pajama Jean totally gives you a jean penis.
When I mentioned to Jane that I was going to road test the Pajama Jean, she casually advised me to watch out, that the palms of my hands would turn blue. I am not saying Jane Pratt wears Pajama Jeans, I am just saying she somehow knew this helpful tip.
My verdict: Not good, not terrible. They were comfortable, for sure, but so are most stretchy fleece garments. The commercial suggests that you could exercise in them, and I might actually use them as workout pants.
Wait, why am I lying to you? I am about to put them on for bed and that's about it. At least the Pajama Jean is appropriately named. They are friggin' pajamas.
There is also a men's "pajama jean," in case you were not aware. Of course I read about them in the Sky Mall catalog first. There appears to be an entire sub-genre of American comfort fashion happening lately. How else can you explain the Forever Lazy?
Who here owns the Pajama Jean? FESS UP!