Every time I'm out in LA, I make it my business to make my way to Hollywood Blvd to hang out with the hoes -- prostitutes, to be exact. Not because I'm looking for new tricks (though now that I think about it, it might not be a bad idea to ask if anything there are any new and interesting requests out there), but because I want to see what they're wearing.
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you never ever ever in your long live life learn anything useful from me, take care to remember this tidbit: Keep your eyes peeled -- hoes are always ahead of the fashion trends. They know what men want to see, and when you think about it, most of us are just dressing for men anyway, right? (OK, so maybe that's just me.)
Any-who, a few years ago I saw a pro on her break wearing a pair of garter tights, and I damn near offered to buy them right off of her in-demand ass. Instead, I used my better judgment and ran back to my hotel to conduct a little Internet research. I ended up purchasing 5 pairs online. Why? Three reasons:
1) They add INSTANT sex appeal to even the simplest, most basic outfit.
Sometimes I'll wear them with cutoff denim shorts, a white tee, and combat creepers. Or with a thin cotton tank, black mini-shorts and a matching oversize blazer. Or with a black pencil dress, so the mock-suspenders are only noticeable when I cross and uncross my legs, Basic Instinct-style. See? Sexy and versatile!
2) They're the easiest way to show off your legs without really showing your legs.
I'm all legs (and no ass), so my thighs are THICK, and they tend to get a little cottage cheesy if I eat one gluten-free cookie too many. Thankfully, garter tights allow me to show a little thigh without putting my cellulite on full-blast. They're also great for hiding those childhood scars.
3) They're a great conversation starter.
Grandpas gawk with lust and grandmas gawk in disgust, while girls always ask where I got them, and guys always wink, stare and offer (lame) comments. Basically, someone always has something to say about them, but I'm not sure if you perceive that to be a good or bad thing...
Interested? I'll make this slutty shopping experiment easy for you:
1) Pretty Polly 'House of Holland Super Suspender' Tights, $34 at Nordstrom.com
2) Subtly Sultry Tights, $19.99 at ModCloth.com
3) DKNY Control Top Pin Stripe Garter Tights, $15 at Macys.com
4) Leopard Garter Sheer Tights, $19 at Bebe.com
5) ASOS Diamante Stud Suspender Tights, $20.44 at Asos.com
India-Jewel is probably busy tweeting pics of her outfit of the day over on Twitter at @IndiaJewelJax.