RumbaTime Seafoam Slap Watch $25, Shopbop
Yes, you are reading this correctly. Slap bracelets have finally made their glorious comeback into our post-everything lives. If you had tried to sell me plain-ole' regular slap bracelets I would've kissed your feet already, but the fact that this is a watch you can slap-on makes the whole thing a million times more magical. Now I can't stop thinking about other things we can thrust upon our limbs from a distance. I'm thinking slap engagement rings could have a real future, especially if you market them in "The Bachelor" or whatever next romantic comedy comes out that begins with a voiceover about how many men there are in a city and how zero of those men want to date the quirky protagonist.
Perhaps thinking of only accessories is too short-sighted; what about slap clothing? I bet you could take the Herve Leger model of skintight bandage dresses and just slap it on before you go. Slap-on sleeves and leg warmers could really be all the rage within a special contingent of futuristic-goth sub-cultures. This is serious sartorial sociology happening here right now!
Ok, back to reality though: I love this, I do! I'm ready for all other dumb trends from my youth to come back in a fancier way than before. I want Viktor & Rolf to do a Troll-inspired collection and Delfina Delettrez to come out with sterling silver pacifiers! Let's take our nostalgia to the next capitalist level. Happy Birthday America indeed!
Update! After writing this post I gave it to my boyfriend to "proofread" like I always do, and he told me he went to elementary school with the son of the dude that invented slap bracelets! Isn't that so crazy? I guess now I am less than 6 degrees of separation away from this most incredible man. Amazing.